God In Here - or - God Out There

So I woke up this morning thinking about these things and I'm not really sure how they all fit together but I'm hoping it will unfold as I write:

1) Our move from Blaine back to Minneapolis
white

2) Personality types: ISF j/p - phlegmatic - diligent - empath - healer

3) Reminders of who we are:
nature, friendships

4) Imperfect movies with bits of truth:
What the Bleep
Conversations with God
Fireproof

5) God - In here? vs. Out there?

Now I don't want to spend much time on the computer this morning. I just want to write for 15 minutes or so and enjoy the rest of the day. It's been so cold outside lately and there is sunshine this morning that I need to go enjoy.

1) Jeff and I both grew up in the city. We met and moved in together and then moved to the suburbs. Everything was WHITE. The people were white. There were Cub Foods and Super Targets and Applebees on every corner. We lived next to a McDonalds. All the people inside were white. We lived in a townhome complex and all the houses looked the same. Everything was new inside and all the walls and carpeting were beige/white. We only had windows on one side of the house. The teenagers would drive their trucks around and squeal their tires. I started to feel suffocated by all the blandness. We had our first child and didn't have a yard for him to play in. I visualized my son growing up and playing football and squealing his tires and being a racist. It was time to move. We moved back into the city.

We found a house with windows on every side and we had a fenced in back yard where our child could play. The big chain stores are still everywhere but they are surrounded by unique places to eat and shop. The people inside them are just as different and unique. I could breathe again. There was a life and an energy and a rainbow of color that felt comfortable to me. People would comment that most people have children and move out of the city whereas we had a kid and moved back in. I like raising my kids in the city. I like that they get to see homeless people and we can have discussions about that. I like that my child doesn't really know the labels "black" and "white" and that skin color doesn't enter his mind when he picks friends.

2) I love taking personality tests but find myself both amazed that they are able to peg my personality so accurately and yet be so wrong at the same time. I find joy in the fact that each person is unique and that there are so many variations within even the "same" personality type.

3) I think that we need to remember to do things and surround ourselves with people that remind us of Who We Really Are. Life can get so busy sometimes and we can lose sight of what is really important. It is so important to find those things that bring us joy and to actually DO them. It is so important to find those people who can see the REAL us and to take the time to spend time with them. It is so important to stay true to who we really are and to bring that self - our true self - to all situations we find ourselves in. I like the fact that those things and those people are different for everyone.

4) Sometimes I watch movies or read books and at the same time both love them for all the truth that they have within them yet am turned off because there are parts that they get so (in my mind) wrong. I'm always searching for the perfect book or the perfect movie that isn't open to misinterpretation and that lays life out just right. It doesn't exist. There are many that come close though. I try to remember to just gather up those that come close and only focus on the truths. I like the fact that even though religions vary greatly and all the great books are so different - there is usually a common theme of LOVE and goodness within each of them. I like the movie "What the Bleep" for it's truths but it irritates me because it is so corny. I like the book and movie "Conversations with God" for it's truths. Yet they irritate me because they are open to such misinterpretation.

5) This brings me to the "God - In here? or Out there?" issue. I find that many people believe in a God Out There or Above them. They separate themselves from God and believe that they are sinners and they look up to God for forgiveness and direction. Looking to God brings them peace and reminds them to be good and loving.

I also find that there are many people who believe in a God In Here or Within them. They include themselves as part of God and looking to God brings them just as much peace and reminds them of the good and love that we all are.

Yet the God Out There's tend to think the God In Here's are "lost". The God In Here's tend to think the God Out There's are "lost". It's almost comical except for the fact that people wage wars over differing religious beliefs.

I find that there is a synchronicity to life when you are on the right path. Things tend to fall into place and miracles happen. Everyone has an internal voice or intuition that leads them in the right direction. The key is learning to hear it and being willing to listen to it. The God Out There's and the God In Here's use very different words to describe what is happening. I think we can't get distracted by the different languages though - we simply need to focus on the fact that something is happening. There is a truth and a magic to life and we are so lucky to get to experience and enjoy it.

Take the movie "Fireproof" for example. It is an extremely Christian movie produced by people who believe they need to evangelize and save people's souls. For the "God Out There" believers - it is the word of the Lord on film yet the "God In Here" believers get turned off by the whole salvation thing. They're already "in tune" and "one with" God. I think it's important to look past that stuff, to find the core, and appreciate the truth. There are ways to do relationships that help nourish both you and them. That is a great movie. There is such truth in it. But the God In Here's will have to look past the salvation thing to see it.

Take the book/movie "Conversations With God". It has the feel of a "God Out There" believer transforming into a "God In Here" believer. There is truth in the movie/books but the God In Here's get turned off by the God Out There parts and the God Out There believers get turned off by the God In Here parts. In reality - it's just a movie/book about one person sharing their path and truths. That is a good thing.

Take the movie "What the Bleep". It is totally for the God In Here believers. Yet it's so darn corny. There is truth in there but you have to forgive and look past the cartoons to see it.

My point:
I just find all of that so interesting. I'm more of a God In Here believer. I think the reason why I can't find the ONE book or the ONE movie that spells everything out so perfectly without being open to misinterpretation is because there isn't ONE. There are many. Imagine the dullness that ONE truth would bring. There is such Color and Life in having many religions and skin colors and places to eat and shop. We're slowly learning as a human race to stop judging one another on skin color and sexual orientation and such. We are all people. We all love. We all find our way to God in our own way. I think it's a good thing that there are so many PATHS to God above and/or to God within. There are as many paths as there are people.

If I were God the Creator - Would I have made the world one big suburb or would I have made the world one big city? If I were God the Creator - Would I make sunshine and rain work together in such a way as to create RAINBOWS of color? Would those rainbows be reminders to people of both the unity of us all and the uniqueness of us all. Is that why they are so beautiful?

The trick is to find a way to live as a society where we can all follow our dreams and raise our children and nourish our souls and be outside long enough to actually see the rainbows. Imagine that world.

Now I need to get off this computer. My family is going outside to enjoy the sunshine. Happy Sunday to those who spent the morning in church and to those who can't stand being in church. Do something that nourishes your soul today. Whatever that is. Have fun!

Graffiti Mural

Influences

Well, I've been on a Jada Pinkett Smith kick lately and found this great video on You Tube. I've always been a fan of this couple. I love every movie Will Smith is in because of what he brings to his characters. Jada is equally as amazing and I have the utmost of respect for her.

I have to admit that when picking names for our son...both Will Smith's quality of character and the movie 'Good Will Hunting' with Matt Damon influenced our decision to call William "Will" instead of Bill or Billy or Willy. Whenever a new daycare provider asked what name he liked to be called, we'd ask them to call him WILL. He's got grandfathers and great-grandfathers with William in their names, my twin brother's middle name, my husband's last name and Will Smith and Matt Damon movies to watch for the rest of his life. Lucky kid!

Miss Kira has a similar story for her name. I went to see The Dark Crystal with my dad when I was about 9 or 10 years old. It had what at age 10 felt like a spiritual element that I was drawn to and the girl, Kira, had "fire". I love strong women. I'd hear the name every now and then over the next 25 years - a dad calling to his daughter when I was shopping...a little girl visiting a relative in a nursing home I was working at. I'd hear the name and pause, "There's that name - I love that name - My daughter's name".

I'm an Angelina Jolie fan and love what she brings to the characters she plays. I love that she's the Goodwill Ambassador for UNHCR. I love watching her kick ass in Tomb Raider. Angelina sounds like "little angel" to me and as much as my daughter is my little angel - I want to raise a really strong little angel.

I've been pregnant 5 times. I have 2 children. After my 4th pregnancy with still only 1 child, I have to admit to feeling pretty sorry for myself. "Will I ever have my KIRA?" I'm so thankful that she is finally here with us and I believe my wise son WILL when he tells me that "she came here for us".

WILLIAM MATTHEW
KIRA ANGELINA
WILL
KIRA
KIWI

I almost think the universe was just waiting for the right little soul to inhabit her body because she was going to have big shoes to fill with a name like that. My children are so different. Will is so sensitive. He is intelligent and wise and caring and gentle and intuitive. He cries. I help him learn coping skills and relaxation and deep breathing techniques. Kira is such a different baby than Will was. She was much easier and is much calmer - less intense. She was the typical "good baby" (although I hate that label). She has a strength and a self-assured calmness about her. She is rock-solid like my sister Sarah. Yet she is fierce. She is powerful. She doesn't cry so much as she screams. She shouts. She's loud. William would sit in his high chair and eat. Kira stands up in her seat and turns around and shakes the back of the seat. Her daycare provider thinks she might be the type of child who will learn to climb out of her crib. She has a calm strength. She can hold her own.

The actors in the movies we watch and the artists writing and singing the music we listen to influence us in more ways than we may like to admit. I've been listening to MaD Son's - Peace Amongst The Madness CD and the Unknown Prophets - The Road Less Traveled CD lately. I just think Mike's words have such substance and reflect his quality of character in such a way that his music almost has a healing effect on the listener. It has so much heart and soul and it is so honest and real. It brings me back to my core and keeps me centered when I lose my balance. I will be planting UP seeds wherever I go hoping one will eventually bloom for them. These guys deserve it. They are the influences our WILL's and KIRA's need.

KIWI update

Kira is crying when we drop her off at daycare now. She hates being caged in with the baby gates that her provider uses. She apparently screamed like crazy the other day when she couldn't go into the next room with the older kids. It will be interesting to see how this plays out.

Will twisted his ankle today. He tells me is leg is only "half-broken". We finally bought him a bike helmet and he's anxious to take the training wheels off. He hasn't been eating his sandwiches at lunch lately. I cut his PB&J into 6 little star shaped (cookie cutter) mini-sandwiches and taped a note on his tupperware "EAT ME OR NO TV". I told him that each mini-sandwich was worth 10 minutes of TV time. He showed his friends the note and the sandwiches and ate 4 of them. We're making progress!

Happy 1st Birthday!

Life and Death

So I was reading an article in Minnesota Good Age about building a local blue zone in Albert Lea, MN. (I just now realized this is a journal for seniors. No wonder there were so many ads for cremation and assisted living facilities.) It was pretty interesting and led me to the following sites on Blue Zones and Ikaria. I might move there. I also found this great sun catcher on a cremation site. What a great idea...to be able to hang from the window and reflect light.

Grandpa

Do not stand at my grave and weep.
I am not there. I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.

When you awaken in the morning's hush,
I am the swift, uplifting rush
Of quiet white doves in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry.
I am not there. I did not die.

- A Hopi Prayer