Raising Kiwi

Eliza Blue

2011-01-08T22:24:00.000-08:00

Eliza Blue is playing at the Aster Cafe on 2/13. Yeah baby! I think that will be my Valentine's gift to myself this year.

New Year's Eve @ the Zoo!

2010-12-31T21:54:00.000-08:00

Will's favorite - a stingray

That nice zoo employee was feeding the animals and my little monkeys wanted a close up view.

Her thumb was pretty much in her mouth the WHOLE zoo trip!

Thanks for sharing your grapes big brother!

New Beginnings

2010-12-31T21:52:00.000-08:00

It is New Years Eve! I always LOVE the start of a new year. I can't help but think about 2010 and everything that has happened this year. Let's recap the last 3 months. I decided to:

1) Get divorced
2) Move out
3) Change jobs

ALL AT ONCE

and suffered only 1 mental breakdown during the process. If only it didn't happen at work!

So Jeff and I moved a bunch of my stuff into this tiny little apartment with only 2 bedrooms and started to figure out all the details that go along with raising our children jointly but separately.

I've worked at making this place a home for my kids and we've settled in quite nicely.

And I changed positions once again at work. This time moving out of my old area and into a completely new area. This change actually feels like the biggest of all. It feels bigger than the divorce and it feels bigger than moving into the apartment. I think it is because I knew my old job inside and out. I loved that job. I loved those people. I cared about the work and I was good at it. I'd gotten married, had a couple miscarriages and had 2 kids while working at that building. I devoted a decade of my life to that work and then it was time to move on.

I received my promotion in the midst of moving into my new apartment and working out the separation details. It was perfect timing. It was more money right when I needed it and it was hope for a better future right when I needed it. It was a chance for a fresh new start. So everything in my life completely changed in the blink of an eye.

My relationship changed
My home changed
My income changed
My job changed
My coworkers changed
My boss changed
My job duties changed
My building changed
My parking changed

Absolutely everything changed - all at once - and I just rolled with it and moved through it and it felt really good! It was harder than hell at times but overall it felt right and it felt good.

I went from being the person who trains the new people - to being the new person in training.

I went from knowing everyone to not knowing anybody...and although I'm making new ones, I really do miss my old friends.

The first thing I noticed was the sense of freedom. They treat us like adults at my new job. It feels like a bunch of people working together to help our clients. There is an enormous amount of independence and flexibility and trust. They live and breathe collaboration. They have consult meetings for the purpose of collaboration. They form relationships with community agencies and with one another in order to serve the clients. It was like a breath of fresh air. It is a very relaxing and humane working environment.

On the flip side. They are completely disorganized. Partly due to the fact that their area is under constant change but I also think partly due to the types of people who choose this line of work. They are very go with the flow and haphazard. These aren't necessarily bad things. It is just so shocking to me coming from one world to this other world where the environment is so different. I see things that would not be acceptable in my old world and yet nobody seems to bat an eye at these things in my new world. I've been sort of going through a bit of culture shock as I adjust.

The good news is. I've always said there is the "work me" and the "real me" and that I bring the "work me" to work because they'd fire the "real me". I often felt like my home life/personality and my work life/personality were very different. I don't think that is going to be the case anymore. At this new job - I can bring the "real me" and she fits in perfectly. These people talk like me. We act the same. We understand each other. That is nice.

The bad news is. I don't think I realized what I was getting into with this new position. I've been trained how to go into a client's home without "bringing anything home" (like bedbugs). ICK! I still shiver every time I think about it. There is just a world of diseases and bugs and such that comes along with working with the public - in THEIR homes. There is a reason that social workers dress the way they do. (Insert mental image of social worker). You do NOT want to look like a target when in a poor neighborhood. You don't want to get mugged for your cell phone or blackberry or laptop. You don't want bugs crawling into your nice purse and coming home with you. You shouldn't wear 3 inch pumps while navigating slippery sidewalks and you probably don't want dog and cat hair all over your dry clean only pants.

But again - the good news is it really is nice to know that I'm helping people stay safe in their homes in the community instead of ending up in a nursing home. These people need our services and there is a reason we go out to their home to provide these services - they just can't come to us.

I suppose that is enough about work.

Let's see. We have to finalize the divorce details and make things official this year. I'm not looking forward to it. I think it will be rough. I can't wait until that part is over.

I'm hoping and praying we're able to move somewhere else next fall. This place has been wonderful for now and I'm looking forward to enjoying the outdoor pool with the kids this summer but I can't wait to move somewhere where I don't have to share a room with my kids.

I think I'll just post pictures of the last few months to remember what we've done since all the changes last fall.

Goodbye 2010
Welcome 2011

Sledding

2010-12-31T21:50:00.000-08:00

Nice to have a big sledding hill right outside the apartment!

Puppet

2010-12-31T21:45:00.000-08:00

We made this sock puppet - who was always hungry...

And yes - Kira still makes this special face when trying to smile for a photo

Christmas

2010-12-31T21:40:00.000-08:00

Cookies

2010-12-31T21:35:00.000-08:00

Christmas Tree

2010-12-31T20:49:00.000-08:00

Chopped that thing down all by myself!

Gingerbread House

2010-12-31T20:46:00.000-08:00

Gingerbread House Fun with Dad

Snowflakes

2010-12-31T20:44:00.000-08:00

This is before we remembered how to make round ones.

Boyscouts

2010-12-31T20:41:00.000-08:00

Halloween 2010

2010-12-31T20:26:00.000-08:00

Kira's first night at the "apartinent"

2010-10-02T21:57:00.000-07:00

waiting for her Big Girl bed to be put together at the new apartment

Doesn't she look cozy?

Signs it is time to stop procrastinating the weaning process

2010-10-02T21:56:00.000-07:00

"Excuse me, Mama, I have nummies please?"
and
"Yum! Good stuff Mom"

Will's new Bunk Bed!

2010-10-02T21:55:00.000-07:00

Moving Day!

2010-09-10T05:54:00.000-07:00

The good news - This day is finally here. Yay!

The bad news - I have a really bad sore throat which totally was not in the plan for moving day.

The good news - I have a 3 day weekend coming up so I'll have plenty of time to rest and heal while I slowly move stuff over. There is no rush.

Will got to buy a new toy for the apartment. He has been talking about it constantly and it has been hard for him to wait to open it. We talked about how it was a little like Christmas and how it can be hard to wait to open the presents. He gets to put that toy together tonight when he sees the inside of the apartment for the first time and so he has something to do while I do a little unpacking.

I'm really hoping he likes it there. Kira won't care. I can handle anything. I just want William to be comfortable there. I'll be observing my little guy all weekend. I think we're doing the right thing not making the move all at once, moving things to the apartment over slowly, buying replacement things for the "yellow house" slowly. Letting it unfold naturally.

Here's to my sore throat magically going away today before 12pm.

Dear sore throat,
I realize Kira has a cold and that for some reason I get sick anytime anyone else is sick. I appreciate how you'll help me build up immunities to whatever we're fighting off but how about we take a pass this time. Let this be a 24 hour sore throat and let my immune system be so strong that you simply vanish in the next few hours. I release you.

Thanks much. Enjoy your day!

Love,
Jen

4 more days...

2010-09-06T21:17:00.000-07:00

until we can move into our apartment!

I've spent hundreds on fall clothes and pajamas and groceries and buying all the stuff that you need when you move. I bought a plunger, cleaning supplies, sheets...boring stuff. Hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of dollars worth of boring stuff that we just didn't happen to have two of around here.

Jeff bought a incredibly large TV. Which I have mixed feelings about because I'm terrified my little monkey of a toddler will climb up onto the stand and topple the ginormous and very heavy TV right on top of herself. I can't even stand the thought of it. It probably won't happen but it could happen and I won't be here to protect her from that.

At my new house - I'm considering enclosing the TV somehow so that it isn't even visable. We'll watch it when we want to but it will be hidden when we're not watching it.

What else did I buy? I bought towels with monkeys (giggle) on them for the kids and garbage cans and salt&pepper shakers and toilet paper and a bookshelf for Kira and mattress pads and bath mats and floor mats and a shoe rack and umbrellas and an alarm clock.

Bins are piled all over this house waiting until Friday when we can start moving things over there little by little and making it a home.

The first thing I'm doing on Saturday is take the kids swimming so they can have a bit of fun at the new house. Then we'll set up Will's new bunk bed and put together my cozy little Ikea chair. That's about it. I'm holding off on too much furniture for now until we get a feel for the place.

I told Will it was a week away and he told me it was less than a week. He's right. We must be all sort of counting down the days.

Keep that negativity away from us

2010-08-30T23:43:00.000-07:00

I'm struggling lately with the reactions people have to our divorce.

People have their own values and ideas of what is right or wrong and they start looking for someone to blame or to find fault with. They judge. They haven't walked in our shoes. They haven't lived in our house. They haven't been a part of our relationship or family life and yet - they judge. They want to pick a side and figure out who did what horrible thing and who was wronged and they gossip about how bad it is that my husband and I didn't stay together forever and how wrong of a decision we have made as a couple and how it will hurt our children. They presume to know what is best for us. They assume Jeff and I are unhappy with each other right now. I find that so strange.

We're aware of their negative energy being directed this way and it seems odd because Jeff and I aren't doing that to one another. It seems to me we are happier than we have been in a very long time. Their reactions have nothing to do with us. Their reactions are completely about them.

I am ever so thankful for the people in our lives who already understand or who are open to understanding. We are blessed to have so many people who want to help us figure it all out and who are offering their support along the way. I have never felt so encompassed.

It is an interesting thing to have your world ending and beginning at the very same time - and quite strange to be judged for it. We are releasing the past, living in the present and creating our futures together. Anyone focused on creation is welcome in our lives.

Changes

2010-08-28T09:44:00.000-07:00

What brings me back to blog land after being gone so long that I wasn't sure I'd remember my blogger password? Well, I'm getting divorced and want to document this journey a bit.

I'm going to start at the very beginning and by talking about my intuition. I met a guy. The very first time we met my intuition - literally like a voice in my head - said to me - "This is never going to work". I didn't listen. He had a big smile and was a great guy and instead we fell in love and moved in together and got married and had two children. But it didn't work. It wasn't working. Nothing was wrong yet everything was wrong. I was depressed and sad and crabby and irritable. I felt stuck. I talked about it with people for years and I talked about it with my husband and eventually one day laying in bed talking about what we should do - he said - he thought we should get divorced. It was the day before our 8 year wedding anniversary. We'd been together for over 13 years.

That was a bit over 2 weeks ago.

Since then we've started the process of telling everyone. That has been an interesting experience. A lot of people are shocked. A lot of people cry. A lot of people ask if we've tried counseling. A lot of people say they are sorry. Old friends offer support. New friends become closer friends. People pull together and offer their love and support and prayers and thoughts and energy and help. Who knew we had such a great network of friends? To you all - we apologize for the surprise and for any of your own relationship re-evaluating you've done because of our relationship unraveling. We truly are all connected. What impacts one does ripple out and impact all.

We're still in the process of telling people. And for those we haven't told yet - or will tell today - or will tell later - or who will find out from other people - we apologize for not telling you sooner - but some things are better done in person - and we find it hard to tell more than 1-2 people a day. We find that people take the news the best when they can see and talk to both of us and know that we are both still doing okay.

I don't want to imply that it has been easy. It has been hard. I have been exhausted. The hardest part was years of being in a relationship that wasn't working and didn't fit. We've already been through hell and now we're on our way back. Our relationship wasn't healthy for us and it was hurting our kids. It is time for something new. The hardest part was not knowing what to do. The easy part was deciding to get divorced. The unknowns were hard. Where would I live? How does one find a new/2nd home when our incomes haven't changed and we can hardly afford the one that we have? How do we now suddenly afford 2 electric bills and 2 homes and 2 beds for Kira and 2 beds for Will? How do we do that when we still earn the same amount of money and were going into debt before?

You just do it - you become unstuck - and allow life to flow again - and it all works out.

I found an apartment. It is close by. We can bike to and from both homes. It is in the same neighborhood. I start to move in mid-Sept but will still sleep here. We'll transition the kids in October after things settle down with school starting. It has 2 pools - indoor and outdoor. It has a playground. The windows face west so we'll get plenty of sunshine in the afternoon and the evenings when we are there the most. We may have floor picnics for a while. The first thing I'm moving is my plants.

It makes me realize I've never lived alone. I still won't be alone because my children will be there but I've never lived without another adult around. I lived with my parents and 4 siblings. Then I moved in with Jeff. This will be the first time I've lived alone in that sense. I will make that a temporary home for my children and myself and I can't wait.

I will trust my instincts. They speak to me very clearly and I am very attuned to what is right in my life. I just haven't always listened in the past. I'm sure I've written about that before. How I used to be irritated when my intuition told me something and I wanted to do something else. I used to say "no". Then I used to say "fine". Now I say "yes" and "thanks".

That is what this divorce feels like to me. It feels like we are going with the flow and doing what is right. Nobody is falling apart and nobody is hating on the other person. We're both still living in this house and sleeping in our bed and raising our kids and calling each other "honey" while we talk about who gets what furniture and how much child support is affordable and what the custody and parenting time arrangements will be. We got married together and we're getting divorced together and we'll still support each other along the way. I can appreciate Jeff's gifts the most from this slight distance. Like a friend told me long time ago about her divorce, "We got out while we're still friends".

I went to go see Eat Pray Love at the movies last night not realizing it was about this lady and her divorce. It was fitting. A blue book on my bookshelf caught my eye this morning. I'd bought it long ago but never read it. I pulled it off the shelf feeling like reading and wondering what it was about only to see the title: Falling Apart In One Piece - one optimist's journey through the hell of divorce. There was even a comment by Elizabeth Gilbert the author of Eat Pray Love right there on the front cover. Love it.

As much as this is the right thing for us, I realize it will be hard and life-changing for the kids. We told William we were getting divorced. He handled it pretty well. Then one day we were talking and he asked, "You mean when you get divorced that you won't be married any more?" and that made him sad. He was so worried that we didn't love each other anymore. It helps him to know that mom and dad still do love each other but that we'll be happier having two homes. There will be less "arguement conversations". William believes us and knows this to be true. There has been so much less tension and fighting and irritation and sadness around here lately. That is very good for the kids. I want them to grow up seeing healthy relationships and healthy communication and happy adults and a different kind of love.

I want them to do what is right for them and to always listen to their intuition and to go with the flow as they move through life. I never want them to feel stuck but when they do, I want them to learn how to move past that and know that everything will always be okay.

Spring is here!

2010-05-17T21:30:00.000-07:00

It's spring! Yay! I'm so glad to be done with this winter for so many reasons. Here's to a fantastic summer ahead!

Kira will be turning 2 years old in July! I'm going to wean her and potty train her and stop nursing her at night and start SLEEPING THROUGH THE NIGHT again! Yay! I'm so excited! It's about time. I've been pretty much exhausted for the last 2 years and her pregnancy sucked with the whole G diabetes thing so It's been a rough 3 years. But things are looking up! Kira's at that toddler stage where she's not quite a baby and not quite a kid and I'm thinking by this time next year we'll have 2 kids and hopefully no diapers. She should be weaned and as much as I'll miss nursing her, its time for me to start taking care of myself again. Time to eat right and exercise and get sleep and be healthy. I'm so excited for this summer/this year - I may even join a gym. I've been researching the clubs around here and am trying to find one with good daycare hours.

We joined boy scouts....or cub scouts as William likes to tell me. Will loves it. I suppose I'll have to figure out how to sew or iron those little patches to his shirt one of these days. There is this great boy scouts store and we've been learning about how to make crystals (didn't work) and Will has been mining for gems (colored glass). He loves that store!

Kira calls William, "Brother Will". So sweet!

Will has been earning "freedom and responsibility" as rewards for good-behavior and for eating his lunches and such. It's working out pretty well. We've decided that there are over 100 points for "freedom and responsibility" and William is at a level 1.5 so he can go 1.5 blocks away outside alone. It's very exciting for him. He asks me if he can use some of his freedom. I say yes. He goes out the front door and stretches. Then he jogs down our street to the corner and turns the corner and stops at the alley and comes back. This way he doesn't actually cross any streets or any alleys. I think it lets me adjust to the idea of him being alone out there as much as it lets him adjust to the idea of being alone and being responsible for himself. Freedom!

We're going to have to teach that kid to ride a bike this year...and tie shoes...and swim. Poor kid is only going to know how to build lego things if we don't get on that pretty soon. One of those gyms I was looking at offered swim lessons but I don't really want to pay for a family membership so we'll see how all that goes.

Mama and Kira

2009-12-26T12:41:00.000-08:00

Kira and Daddy

2009-12-26T12:31:00.000-08:00

We almost never put Kira in dresses and tights but I thought it would please the MIL. Doesn't she look cute with her Daddy?! I think she's looking at the tree with blue lights behind me.

Will's Christmas Morning!

2009-12-26T12:25:00.000-08:00

William with a marshmallow sucker that must have been made at the North Pole because they just don't sell that kind of candy at the stores.

Will woke up in the middle of the night on Christmas and crawled into my bed. He was half-asleep and sounded very sad, "I only got ONE Legos...I hope Santa gives me Legos." Then he fell asleep again. THANK GOODNESS Santa got him Legos! I told him Santa spent a lot of money on those Legos ($70) but he reminded me that Santa didn't have to pay for them because the elves make the toys in the factory. Oh yeah. That's right.

Will's almost girlfriend Esther

2009-12-17T20:55:00.000-08:00

Will has an "almost girlfriend". He had a crush on her in Kindegarten. I think they felt bonded because they'd gone to the same daycare years ago when they were too young to really remember one another but old enough to become friends.

He still likes her this year and after sledding today she drew a heart in the air and blew him a kiss. So he said, "You know I have to do it back" and drew a heart in the air and blew her a kiss. Then they played Monopoly and he said, "ladies first" and let her have the first turn.

He said Damagio and Essence are boyfriend/girlfriend and Robert and Helen are boyfriend/girlfriend but he's not boyfriend/girlfriend with Esther yet. He's waiting for her to make the first move. He's waiting for her to be the one to say it.

Apparently we didn't invite her to his 6 year birthday party and Esther told her mom that she sure would like to go to Will's party and Esther's mom told Esther that we have to get an invite to go. We'll be sure to invite Esther to Will's 7 year birthday party this year.

He also asked if it was okay to get married if you are different skin colors. I told him yes. He said even when you're old. I said yes. He said, "I knew it!" Apparently he just wanted to check that everything was okay with Essence and Damagio's union. We talked about how it doesn't matter.

He wanted to hear about the boy that liked me in first grade. I told him about the boy who would give me his toys from his cracker-jack box. I left out the part about how that boy tried to kiss me and I ran away and fell under the tire of the bus and thought I was going to get run over.

Then he mentioned that I didn't marry that boy....so we talked about how sometimes you like one person and then you like someone else and then someone else until you get a lot older and find the person you will marry. He wondered who that boy married. I have never wondered that myself since I always blamed him for almost killing me with that kiss.

So then I told William to go to bed since it was way past his bedtime and I can't have my little gentleman being tired and cranky at school tomorrow.

Will's Christmas spirit

2009-12-13T18:59:00.000-08:00

Will: "Do you know what I see?"
Me: "What"
Will: "I'm looking deep into my heart and do you know what I see?"
Me: "What"
Will: "The Christmas Spirit. I have so much love."

Update

2009-12-12T22:23:00.000-08:00

I have been neglecting my blog lately. Hmmm....Let's see....what's interesting?

I slept for 15 hours last night - from 7:30PM - 10:30AM. I have a little sore throat and Jeff has a little runny nose and Will has a little sore throat and Kira is a little off kilter so I think we're all fighting something off but - it's little - not big - so we're fine. I bet that sleep helped!

We put up our Christmas tree today! We got a real one this year! Yahoo! I love breathing in that fresh pine scent. It's not decorated yet though. We'll get to that tomorrow. Will can't wait until Christmas and has wrapped his plastic bowling pins as a present for Jeff. He wrapped my slippers as a present for me. I wrapped Kira's "go dogs go" book as a present for her (wrapped in paper towels). I wrapped Will's stickers and some Kit Kats as a present for him (wrapped in tinfoil). We'll open our previously owned gifts tomorrow morning.

I'm thinking of skipping the Christmas cards this year. Not feeling it. What's one year? We'll see...

Will is now a size 6 jeans. He completely grew out of his size 5 jeans - ankles showing and all. Amazing!

Will has a LOOSE TOOTH in the front bottom. He's very excited about that.

Kira is just a crazy little thing. Seriously. She's going to need to be enrolled in dance class ASAP...this girl loves music and movement so much!

Kira LOVES having books read to her lately. She loves her books!

She says "TREE" now. I suppose when there is a big Christmas tree in your living room it is easy to learn that word.

We bought a new star for the top of the tree. I wanted to return it because it just doesn't look right but Will says every time he looks at it - it reminds him of God and Jesus - so we'll keep it.

I told him years ago that Santa wasn't real because I couldn't stand lying to him but I think he forgot. He told me a few nights ago that he isn't quite sure if Santa is mom and dad or if Santa is real but he's thinking Santa is real. So we talked about how fun it is to believe in Santa. He asked Jeff about it today and Jeff told him "Of course Santa is real." Will said happily, "Okay, if you say so!" So that's fine. Santa is real. We do believe!

Kira's hair is a disaster. I'm not one to put barrettes in a baby's hair but in retrospect that would have been a good idea. Her hair is so long and keeps getting in her eyes and she really needs to have it clipped back until it grows out a bit longer but she isn't used to having anything in her hair so now she won't leave them in. We've been practicing putting barrettes in - hoping that one day she'll leave them in. Will wore a barrette today. Kira had one in for a few minutes. I put six in my hair. Nothing is working. Maybe if we all wear barrettes every day - she'll eventually keep one in.

Kira had her first candy cane today. She tried to share it with her stuffed bunny. It was very sweet.

Christmas Socks

2009-12-04T16:51:00.000-08:00

William hung 4 socks on the fireplace and filled 3 of them with leggos and bakugan cards and stuff and left 1 of them empty. Then he came and told me that Santa came and put up Christmas stockings. He said that he looked in mine and it was empty. He said that was because it was filled with love. He said it was filled with 200% love.

I'll take an empty sock filled with LOVE anyday!

Read to me

2009-11-29T18:59:00.000-08:00

Snuggling

2009-11-23T18:37:00.000-08:00

Not a proud parenting moment...

2009-11-23T18:35:00.000-08:00

She crawled up onto the table and helped herself to some chinese food and oranges.

Kira at the table like a big kid!

2009-11-23T18:32:00.000-08:00

I also noticed that apparently we don't worry about matching PJ tops and bottoms in this HH.

School Photos

2009-11-17T21:21:00.000-08:00

It was "picture day" a few weeks ago at school. Will's pictures were great last year. He wore a long sleeved blue button down shirt and we picked the blue background. They looked beautiful. I'm usually a creature of habit and don't like to mess with something that works for me. I ALMOST picked the blue background again this year. But we'd dressed Will in this cute little zip sweater that had just a touch of orange and green on it. I decided to go with the flow and pick the green background this year. Unfortunately we didn't plan ahead for picture day so underneath his cute little zip sweater he was wearing a bright orange NORTHEAST SOCCER
T-shirt because we didn't have any clean white ones. The orange barely showed behind the zipper and actually looked okay underneath the sweater. I figured the pictures would probably turn out just fine. We sent him to school.

He came home from school and told us about how he had to take off his sweater because, "The lady told all the kids to take off their jackets." The horror. I couldn't bear to think about what those photos would look like with his bright orange T-shirt and bright green background. I knew immediately that we'd be doing retakes.

Then we got the photos and besides the unintentional Halloween theme - they also had the 2009-2010 year written on them. I'd intentionally not checked that box. I didn't want writing on my photos yet home they came with some stamped with the date and some without the date. But his smile was sort of cute. The pictures were sort of endearing in a "this is a really bad photo of me mostly because I'm too young to know that I shouldn't take off my picture day outfit plus I was being such a good listener for the lady who said to take our jackets off."

So then I wasn't sure. Hmmm. Retakes or not? What kind of mother am I? How picky am I going to be about this? Do I really need to make him have retakes? We ordered a LARGE package thinking all the grandparents and relatives could frame their photos (retakes)...we'll have this photo forever with his Kindergarten through 12th grade photos (retakes)...but this one is kind of cute just the way it is (no retakes)...but his hair is so long (retakes)...but he is a NE kid (no retakes)...but the picture is so shocking to the eyes with those bright orange and green colors (retakes)...but look at that gentle smile (no retakes)...

I like to keep all my options open so we got his haircut last night (the night before retakes) so we'd be ready even though we were leaning towards just keeping the bad photos. Will ended up NOT having retakes. He's been home with a cough so didn't go to school. Decision made for us. This means we'll be sharing his photo with everyone and they can frame or not frame as they so choose. I'll still frame it.

I smile every time I see it.

Green Eggs and Ham

2009-11-06T20:36:00.000-08:00

Coincidences/Intuition/Interconnectedness

2009-11-03T20:22:00.000-08:00

Let's talk about this stuff again. You know it's my favorite topic.

There is this person that I run into all the time. Literally. Repeatedly. Physically. We collide. We crash into one another. This doesn't happen to me with anyone else on the entire planet. It is so annoying and it drives me nuts. The thing is...I believe that when we need to talk to someone or they need to talk to us - we're given opportunities for that conversation to happen. I believe that. So you'd think I'd be thankful. On the one hand - I love that this is the way the world works. On the other hand - it still drives me nuts when it happens.

There was this day that I was completely in the zone and everything was falling into place around me. I was moving slowly and peacefully and getting a billion things done. I was as productive as possible. I needed to give something to someone and literally turned around and this person was standing at my desk. I think there is a reason that happened that way. I think we're all interconnected and that there are no coincidences. Something made that person come over to my desk right then and it was probably the fact that I was thinking about them.

I had another day like that recently. Same thing. I was doing something with someone that impacted this 3rd person and was making a mental note to email this 3rd person and then out of the blue for no reason this 3rd person just stopped by to chat about nothing in particular. So I didn't have to email them and could tell them that thing right then and there. It was so great.

Those are days when I'm just totally in the zone. They happen a lot.

Yet there are days when I am completely not in the zone and everything possible goes wrong. We've all had days like that. Aren't those always the days when we're rushed and stressed and need to get a million things done and yet somehow we get nothing done? We'll say, "of all the days (such-in-such) had to happen today." It's like if we're running late and then we just happen to get stuck waiting for a train and that makes us even more late. I haven't had one of those days for a while.

I think I'm learning that when one of those days starts...I need to simply be okay with the outcome and just let what will be - be. I just need to let what will come - come. I try not to fight it or stress about it or worry about it or prevent it. I just try to go with the flow and be in the moment and KNOW that everything will work out okay - because it always does. Everything always works out okay in the end. This process sort of nips the bad day in the bud and can turn it into a good day. I believe it is our choice to either live "in" or "out" of the zone. We can go with or against the flow of life. Whatever name you want to call it: God - Spirit - Energy - Law of Attraction - Life Force - Tao - Intuition - Inner Voice. I don't care the name. Whatever you want to call it. Something is at work here.

Here's another example:
The other day there was a glass of water on Will's floor. I felt like I should pick it up and bring it to the kitchen. I told myself "no". I didn't want to move it. I told myself it would be fine there. Then I went into another room and there was another cup of water. I again felt urged to grab that one and go back and grab the other. Did I? No. I resisted. I didn't want to. Like a child saying "no" to my parent, I resisted and I told myself again that they'd both be fine where they were for now and that I'd get them later. I was having a conversation with myself about how I wasn't going to do this thing that needed doing and how it would be fine and I'd get to it later.

Okay. No big deal right? So then I end up letting Kira play in Will's room and she ended up spilling the cup of water all over his floor. It spilled all over his little puzzle pieces and caused them to warp and get ruined. I tried to mold them back into shape while they were soggy but that caused them to rip. Now Will can't put together any of those puzzles because Kira spilled the water on them because his Mom refused to listen to her inner voice. Seriously. It's almost comical - but it's not. I KNEW I should have moved that water - it felt like someone was telling me to move those glasses - yet I resisted.

Now that would be living AGAINST the flow. That would be NOT being in the zone. Had I listened - the day would have had a better outcome.

I also find it really interesting that I'm not thankful when these things happen. I was putting the dishes away the other day and I had a moment of intuition where I knew I needed to stop and immediately go do something else. Of course I resisted at first and then finally I said to myself, "okay fine" and went to go do it. I say that all the time to myself. I have these moments of intuition and I always say, "Okay fine" and go do it. I act like a child being forced to do something against my will instead of an adult who is so thankful to be able to pick up on and respond to her intuition.

I'm trying to get to a place where I'm actually THANKFUL for my intuition and actually listen to my inner voice the first time around. I really believe my life would be so smoothe if I was actually going with the flow and living in the zone like that - all day long - every day. That would be great. So that will be my goal. To be thankful for my intuition and to act on it - to trust my instincts and to go with the flow and be in the zone. It requires a lot of flexibility because sometimes I just want to do whatever I want to be doing but I know it's important to slow down and listen and act consciously in every moment.

Coincidentally - After writing that part above yesterday and saving it as a draft I ended up reading this thing on Facebook by this group Romancing Your Soul which was all about - you guessed it - listening to your intuition/inner voice.

So now it's today and I have more interesting little coincidences to add:

Jeff and I recently had a conversation about how this music group should have T-shirts or something made to promote their band.

Then I had someone listen to their music today and this person mentioned a different band. I'd never listened to this other group's music before so I planned on checking them out on You Tube.

Then I went to Subway with Will for dinner because I didn't want to cook and there was a group of maybe 6 boys there. They were all about 16 or 17 years old and one of them was wearing a sweatshirt with the name of this other group's band. So we started talking about it and I asked him if he'd heard about the first group. He smiled and said he had and so I told him about their new album coming out. He looked excited and said he'd check it out.

My point is - I don't really know anything about this other group and then in ONE DAY someone talks to me about them and then later on I notice someone else wearing their shirt - which is also odd because Jeff and I were just talking about the importance of marketing/promotion and having shirts made with your band's name on them.

Seriously. Coincidence? I think not. Maybe I needed to have that conversation with that kid. His eyes sure did sparkle and he got all excited when we started talking about music on this day that he'd just gotten done telling his friends was one of the "worst days of his life." Maybe now he'll have a good night listening to some music.

Lessons learned: go with the flow - be in the moment - listen and act and say YES when your inner voice/gut/instincts/intuition is telling you to do something - there are no coincidences - life is magical - be THANKFUL.

I could go on. I have so many examples but I suppose that's enough for now. My instincts are telling me that this blog post is way too long already.

Happy Halloween

2009-11-02T18:56:00.000-08:00

Darth Vader Will (6) and Scarecrow Kira (1)

Kira and Mom

Breakdancing

2009-11-02T18:48:00.000-08:00

Last week was NO SCREEN TIME WEEK. It turned into REDUCED screen time for the family but was a huge improvement overall. We spent our time playing games and singing and reading and practicing our breakdancing. The bad news is that the breakdancing resulted in a small disaster involving lots of glass and shattered picture frames. The good news is that nobody got hurt, the frames can be replaced and our breakdancing is improving daily!

Yoga

2009-10-25T21:34:00.000-07:00

I did some Vinyasa Yoga at the YMCA with a friend on Sunday! I loved it! I'm addicted!

Well, maybe not addicted since I've only gone once in my life for about an hour and I was probably the weakest and least flexible person there - but I had fun! I'm thinking I should find a yoga place by my house so I can go more often. Maybe I'll wait until my legs aren't sore. This must be what happens when you don't exercise for 2 years and then decide to be a Yogi. (I realize I'm not an official Yogi but since I look a lot like the gentleman in the picture above - let's call me one). Maybe if I do yoga more often - I won't look like this nice yogi anymore.

Same Window - Different Kid

2009-10-22T21:10:00.000-07:00

(Kira - 14 months)

Wordless Wednesday

2009-10-21T21:48:00.000-07:00

Will at 15 months (Kira's age now)

Blog Without Obligation

2009-10-21T21:40:00.000-07:00

So I've been feeling the need to apologize for my blog posts lately...too long...too many in one day...crazy middle of the night ramblings...

Whenever I get this feeling - I usually start deleting posts. Instead of deleting I'm going to continue posting whatever I want - whenever I want - and I'll make them as long or as short as I want - with as many posts in one day as I want - or as many days between posts as I want...
without feeling the need to apologize and/or delete.

I'll be BLOGGING WITHOUT OBLIGATION!

I need an attitude adjustment...

2009-10-21T12:25:00.000-07:00

Mommy is losing her mind from too many days at home with sick children. There is only so much leg tugging and baby holding and listening to whining and crying and nursing that I can handle. I'm sure I've lost it.

Jeff just called to check in and I told him Kira was driving me crazy. He suggested I put her in Will's room to play. She loves it in there because it is "off limits". I told him he was a nut since there is a reason that room is off limits (lots of little choking hazards) but he says Kira doesn't eat everything anymore and she loves to play with his toys and that as long as I clean up afterwards - Will won't ever know she was in there.

Ah - 5 minutes peace! My husband is a genius. I might just blog all day long since really - no laundry or anything is getting done today. How long until nap time? I put her down at 10AM since she clearly needs sleep but she refused and cried off and on in her crib so I got her out of there and she proceeded to pull the books off the bookshelf. So then I was wondering how these stay at home mom's actually stay sane and decided it was a good time to get dressed - although somehow that hasn't happened yet.

Anyway. I decided to post about how thankful I am since I realize how selfish it is to whine like this. I should be thankful that my kids are getting better. I am. I just keep forgetting so I'm going to focus on being grateful.

I am so...

1) THANKFUL that Kira's almost 104 fever is back down a bit. (I don't actually know what her temperature is right now but she's not burning hot anymore. I'm just letting her body do it's thing. I am so THANKFUL that she has a strong body and a healthy immune system.)

2) THANKFUL that Will was able to go back to school today!

3) THANKFUL for the CD I'm listening to.

4) THANKFUL for the candle on our fireplace.

5) THANKFUL that Kira is playing with Will's old toy computer and listening to all the sounds/letters of the alphabet.

6) THANKFUL that Kira is talking and turning into a whole little person.

7) THANKFUL that we have lights that work on this very gloomy and cloudy day.

8) THANKFUL that William can read "Green Eggs and Ham". Yay Will!

9) THANKFUL that I don't have to pay any health insurance premiums this month.

10) THANKFUL for our house and cars and jobs and family and health and friends and for Jeff and Will and Kira and Will's fish, Little Blue.

11) THANKFUL that Kira loves to dance and sing and move. I love that about her!

12) THANKFUL that we have daycare.

13) THANKFUL for the way that doctor cared for Kira yesterday. She was so gentle. I guess she wasn't really a doctor. She was a nurse. She's their lactation consultant but that's what happens when you have no appointment and they squeeze you in. She still gave us the best care we've gotten in a very long while. She also touched Kira with love - slowly - gently -she caressed her. She even noticed and asked about these little rash like spots Kira had on her chest that I'd not noticed before.

I think it's time to take her temp again....just incase she needs some tylenol before her nap.

14) 15) 16) I am so THANKFUL for naps. I am so THANKFUL for thermometers. I am so THANKFUL for tylenol.

17) THANKFUL Kira can say "UP" and "OFF" even if all she wants is for me to pick her up and nurse her all day.

18) THANKFUL to have a little girl to hold and nurse.

19) THANKFUL for our furnace.

20) THANKFUL that Kira likes to hand me things and say "HERE YA GO" over and over and over.

21) THANKFUL to have the opportunity to experience this wonderful life.

22) THANKFUL Kira's fever is down to 101.2! That's better than 104. It's better than 102. Yay Kira! I am so THANKFUL she let me take her temp and that she's doing a great job fighting off this little bug.

23) THANKFUL for rain in the fall.

24) THANKFUL for our fridge full of groceries.

So....I think that worked. LOL!

25) I am so THANKFUL for attitude adjustments and perspective and gratitude.

The Sardinian Diet - Yum!

2009-10-21T10:30:00.000-07:00

I caught a glimpse of Dan Buettner on Good Morning America today...and found the lists below about Blue Zone tips on Dr. Weil's website:

1. 80% Rule (stop eating when you're 80% full)

2. Plant-Power (more veggies, less protein and processed foods)

3. Red Wine (consistency and moderation)

4. Plan de Vida (know your purpose in life)

5. Beliefs (spiritual or religious participation)

6. Down Shift (work less, slow down, rest, take vacation)

7. Move (find ways to move mindlessly, make moving unavoidable)

8. Belong (create a healthy social network)

9. Your Tribe (make family a priority)

1. De-convenience your home – lose the remote, buy a light garage door and lift it yourself, use a shovel instead of a snowblower

2. Eat Nuts – Have a can of nuts around your office or home, eat a handful daily

3. Drink Sardinian wine – Sardinian canonau wine has the world's highest levels of antioxidants. Drink a glass or two a day

4. Play with your children – this is excellent low intensity exercise and will strenthen a family. Both associated with longer life expectancy

5. Grow a Garden – This proven stress reducer will put your body through the range of motion and yield fresh vegtables

6. Hour of Power – Downshift daily with a nap, meditation, prayer or a quiet walk--destressing is a proven way to slow aging

7. Eat Tofu – Arguably the world's most perfect food, eaten by the world's longest lived women. Contains a plant estrogen that makes skin look younger

8. Get a Tan – Doctors are rethinking the notion of slathering yourself with sunscreen. Up to half of Americans are Vitamin D deficient--a condition that can double your chance of dying in any given year. A tan not only looks healthy, it is.

9. Donate your large dinner plates – eat off 9 inch plates as the Okinawans do and reduce calorie consumption at dinner by 20-30%

10. Write Down your Personal Mission – Know and putting into practice your sense of purpose can give you up to a decade of good life.

KIWI update + Squalene?

2009-10-20T20:54:00.000-07:00

We spent 3 hours at the clinic today. It's days like this that I'm so thankful we have health insurance. We make appointments at the blink of an eye. If none are available (like today) we go to urgent care. Every time I whip out those insurance cards and hand over that copay I think about all the people who don't have insurance...or who can't afford the copays.

Does that mean we're any better off? Nope. Took the kids to urgent care where they had a line and were literally giving out numbers just to get checked in. Then we were given a mask for Will since anyone coughing had to wear a mask. Then Urgent Care called over and got us in with the pediatricians office who squeezed us in for a DOUBLE even though they had no appointments available.

In short - Will seems to be fine. If his cough gets even worse - we're supposed to come back and they'll treat it. Kira's fever from Tues/Wed last week went away and now is back with a very sore (looking) throat, runny nose and cough. She's had 2 fevers within 1 week and 1 other one within the month...so they gave her urine and blood tests which confirmed what we already knew - she has a virus. They don't really do a H1N1 test. They just say it's viral and to watch her and COME BACK right away if she gets worse. So 3 hours and $30 later we still don't know more than we knew before - but we sure do feel better.

It bothers me that they don't label it H1N1. It'd be nice to give it a name. I don't know who these doctors are that are actually testing. It seems to me that for them it's less about getting an accurate count of the number of people who have this thing and more about filtering out who needs additional medical care and who can go back home.

Luckily - we were sent back home.

So I've been giving a lot of thought to the vaccinations and such but - if it's what my kids had/have - I'm thinking it's not the worst thing in the world. It seems rather typical. Maybe they don't have it. Maybe they have some other virus. Maybe it affects people differently and you really only have to be concerned if you develop secondary conditions (which is why Kira's 2nd fever in 8 days was alarming). Who knows. I have no idea.

I feel bad sending Will to daycare/school last Thursday because there are a lot of other kids there who are also sick now. If any of them have asthma - they'd likely be at a greater risk for complications.

Side Note - Just got a call from MPIRG to donate to the health care reform cause - while I'm blogging about our health care. Very interesting. Had to donate. Now I'm supposed to call Senator Amy Klobuchar 202-224-3244 to prompt for Health Care Reform WITH a public option. Will do.

So anyway apparently this H1N1 vaccine has squalene in it. I realize I write about vaccinations a lot. It's not like I'm anti-immunizations. Will has been vaccinated for everything. (His health just went downhill fast after getting EIGHT vaccines at once - let's say that again - EIGHT - who in their right mind would do that to my kid - and how could I have let that happen). It could all be coincidence - but I doubt it. No more vaccines for that kid until his immune system has had a chance to rebound. Kira has been vaccinated for maybe 60% of what is recommended. All I want to do is educate myself this time around about each vaccination and then make educated decisions. Only then am I comfortable either risking the vaccine's side effects to prevent a more serious illness....or risking a less serious illness to avoid sticking toxins into my kids.

I just want to know what the heck I'm saying "YES" or "NO" to. I remember blindly saying "OKAY" to whatever the doctor told us to do with Will. I didn't like it. Call me controlling. Call me whatever you want. I just want to know what the heck I'm putting into my kids.

So anyway - Naomi Wolf posted something on facebook about the squalene in H1N1 and then I found this article. I have no idea if it is reputable or not. I just find it interesting. It makes sense to me and if my kids have/had H1N1 - then I'm thinking 1) they won't need the vaccine because then they'll be immune anyway and 2) the vaccine sounds riskier than the illness. Unless my kids have/had a different virus - then who knows. Maybe this H1N1 is a killer that we should avoid like the plague (pun not intended but intentionally left in because it is rather funny in a pandemic sort of way). Who knows. We'll just wait and see.

Let's all hope that Kira gets better instead of worse. Will appears to be in the clear and will go back to school either Wed or Thurs (more to protect others from his cough). Kira - we're still waiting to see. She doesn't feel well and now after being exposed to 3 hours of all kinds of other germs at the clinic and having a catheter put in and having blood drawn and her throat swabbed twice...she's exhausted. Poor thing.

Here's the info from the link. This Mercola guy could be a quack - I have no idea. I'm just saying all information is good information and all discussions are good discussions.

By Dr. Mercola

According to Kathleen Sebelius, Secretary of the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, your children should be the first target for mass swine flu vaccinations when school starts this fall.[i]

This is a ridiculous assumption for many reasons, not to mention extremely high risk.
In Australia, where the winter season has begun, Federal Health Minister Nicola Roxon is reassuring parents the swine flu is no more dangerous than regular seasonal flu. "Most people, including children, will experience very mild symptoms and recover without any medical intervention," she said.[ii]

Sydney-based immunization specialist Robert Booy predicts swine flu might be fatal to about twice as many children in the coming year as regular influenza. Booy estimates 10-12 children could die from the H1N1 virus, compared with the five or six regular flu deaths seen among children in an average year in Australia.[iii]

“Cure the Disease, Kill the Patient”
Less than 100 children in the U.S. die each year from seasonal flu viruses.[iv] If we use Australia’s math, a very rough estimate would be another 100 children could potentially die of swine flu in the United States in the coming year.

If children are the first target group in the U.S. per Sebelius, that means we’re about to inject around 75 million children with a fast tracked vaccine containing novel adjuvants, including dangerous squalene, to prevent perhaps 100 deaths.

I’m not overlooking the tragedy of the loss of even one child to an illness like the H1N1 flu virus. But there can be no argument that unnecessary mass injection of millions of children with a vaccine containing an adjuvant known to cause a host of debilitating autoimmune diseases is a reckless, dangerous plan.

Why are Vaccinations Dangerous?
The presumed intent of a vaccination is to help you build immunity to potentially harmful organisms that cause illness and disease. However, your body’s immune system is already designed to do this in response to organisms which invade your body naturally.
Most disease-causing organisms enter your body through the mucous membranes of your nose, mouth, pulmonary system or your digestive tract – not through an injection.
These mucous membranes have their own immune system, called the IgA immune system. It is a different system from the one activated when a vaccine is injected into your body.
Your IgA immune system is your body’s first line of defense. Its job is to fight off invading organisms at their entry points, reducing or even eliminating the need for activation of your body’s immune system.
When a virus is injected into your body in a vaccine, and especially when combined with an immune adjuvant like squalene, your IgA immune system is bypassed and your body’s immune system kicks into high gear in response to the vaccination.
Injecting organisms into your body to provoke immunity is contrary to nature, and vaccination carries enormous potential to do serious damage to your health.

And as if Vaccines Weren’t Dangerous Enough on Their Own …
… imagine them turbocharged.
The main ingredient in a vaccine is either killed viruses or live ones that have been attenuated (weakened and made less harmful).
Flu vaccines can also contain a number of chemical toxins, including ethylene glycol (antifreeze), formaldehyde, phenol (carbolic acid) and even antibiotics like Neomycin and streptomycin.
In addition to the viruses and other additives, many vaccines also contain immune adjuvants like aluminum and squalene.

The purpose of an immune adjuvant added to a vaccine is to enhance (turbo charge) your immune response to the vaccination. Adjuvants cause your immune system to overreact to the introduction of the organism you’re being vaccinated against.

Adjuvants are supposed to get the job done faster (but certainly not more safely), which reduces the amount of vaccine required per dose, and the number of doses given per individual.
Less vaccine required per person means more individual doses available for mass vaccination campaigns. Coincidentally, this is exactly the goal of government and the pharmaceutical companies who stand to make millions from their vaccines.

Will There Be Immune Adjuvants in Swine Flu Vaccines?
The U.S. government has contracts with several drug companies to develop and produce swine flu vaccines. At least two of those companies, Novartis and GlaxoSmithKline, are using an adjuvant in their H1N1 vaccines.

The adjuvant? Squalene.
According to Meryl Nass, M.D., an authority on the anthrax vaccine,
“A novel feature of the two H1N1 vaccines being developed by companies Novartis and GlaxoSmithKline is the addition of squalene-containing adjuvants to boost immunogenicity and dramatically reduce the amount of viral antigen needed. This translates to much faster production of desired vaccine quantities.”[v]

Novartis’s proprietary squalene adjuvant for their H1N1 vaccine is MF59. Glaxo’s is ASO3. MF59 has yet to be approved by the FDA for use in any U.S. vaccine, despite its history of use in other countries.
Per Dr. Nass, there are only three vaccines in existence using an approved squalene adjuvant. None of the three are approved for use in the U.S.

What Squalene Does to Rats
Oil-based vaccination adjuvants like squalene have been proved to generate concentrated, unremitting immune responses over long periods of time.[vi]
A 2000 study published in the American Journal of Pathology demonstrated a single injection of the adjuvant squalene into rats triggered “chronic, immune-mediated joint-specific inflammation,” also known as rheumatoid arthritis.[vii]
The researchers concluded the study raised questions about the role of adjuvants in chronic inflammatory diseases.

What Squalene Does to Humans
Your immune system recognizes squalene as an oil molecule native to your body. It is found throughout your nervous system and brain. In fact, you can consume squalene in olive oil and not only will your immune system recognize it, you will also reap the benefits of its antioxidant properties.

The difference between “good” and “bad” squalene is the route by which it enters your body. Injection is an abnormal route of entry which incites your immune system to attack all the squalene in your body, not just the vaccine adjuvant.

Your immune system will attempt to destroy the molecule wherever it finds it, including in places where it occurs naturally, and where it is vital to the health of your nervous system.[viii]
Gulf War veterans with Gulf War Syndrome (GWS) received anthrax vaccines which contained squalene.[ix] MF59 (the Novartis squalene adjuvant) was an unapproved ingredient in experimental anthrax vaccines and has since been linked to the devastating autoimmune diseases suffered by countless Gulf War vets.[x]

The Department of Defense made every attempt to deny that squalene was indeed an added contaminant in the anthrax vaccine administered to Persian Gulf war military personnel – deployed and non-deployed – as well as participants in the more recent Anthrax Vaccine Immunization Program (AVIP).

However, the FDA discovered the presence of squalene in certain lots of AVIP product. A test was developed to detect anti-squalene antibodies in GWS patients, and a clear link was established between the contaminated product and all the GWS sufferers who had been injected with the vaccine containing squalene.

A study conducted at Tulane Medical School and published in the February 2000 issue of Experimental Molecular Pathology included these stunning statistics:
“ … the substantial majority (95%) of overtly ill deployed GWS patients had antibodies to squalene. All (100%) GWS patients immunized for service in Desert Shield/Desert Storm who did not deploy, but had the same signs and symptoms as those who did deploy, had antibodies to squalene.

In contrast, none (0%) of the deployed Persian Gulf veterans not showing signs and symptoms of GWS have antibodies to squalene. Neither patients with idiopathic autoimmune disease nor healthy controls had detectable serum antibodies to squalene. The majority of symptomatic GWS patients had serum antibodies to squalene.”[xi]

According to Dr. Viera Scheibner, Ph.D., a former principle research scientist for the government of Australia:
“… this adjuvant [squalene] contributed to the cascade of reactions called "Gulf War Syndrome," documented in the soldiers involved in the Gulf War.

The symptoms they developed included arthritis, fibromyalgia, lymphadenopathy, rashes, photosensitive rashes, malar rashes, chronic fatigue, chronic headaches, abnormal body hair loss, non-healing skin lesions, aphthous ulcers, dizziness, weakness, memory loss, seizures, mood changes, neuropsychiatric problems, anti-thyroid effects, anaemia, elevated ESR (erythrocyte sedimentation rate), systemic lupus erythematosus, multiple sclerosis, ALS (amyotrophic lateral sclerosis), Raynaud’s phenomenon, Sjorgren’s syndrome, chronic diarrhoea, night sweats and low-grade fevers.”[xii]

Post Vaccination Follow-Up Might as Well Be Non-Existent
There is virtually no science to support the safety of vaccine injections on your long-term health or the health of your children. Follow-up studies last on average about two weeks, and look only for glaring injuries and illnesses.

Autoimmune disorders like those seen in Gulf War Syndrome frequently take years to diagnose due to the vagueness of early symptoms. Complaints like headaches, fatigue and chronic aches and pains are symptoms of many different illnesses and diseases.

Don’t hold your breath waiting for vaccine purveyors and proponents to look seriously at the long-term health consequences of their vaccination campaigns.

Does it matter if it is H1N1 or not?

2009-10-17T04:42:00.000-07:00

So - I'm thinking we might have H1N1 in the house. Or not - it could be anything. And seriously - who really cares? We just deal with it and get better like having any other virus. But since I've been up since 2:30 in the morning - so why not blog about it?

Let's recap:

Kira got sick (probably before Tues/Wed) but had a fever Tues/Wed. Not many other symptoms though. Stayed home with her.

Thursday morning - Will complained of a sore throat or runny nose or something and told us he couldn't go to school. Jeff and I gave each other the "I HAVE to go to work (Jen)...I HAVE to go to work (Jeff) looks and decided that Will was going to school regardless.

It's not that we're cold and uncaring parents.

It's not that we love work that much.

It's just that I had a baby a year and a half ago and had to use up ALL my sick and vacation time for maternity leave (wish we lived in Europe instead of America) and have been SLOWLY accruing sick hours since then. In the meantime, Jeff has been using up all his sick time handling every sick day for Kira or Will and/or doctor's appointments and fake sick days for himself (you know it's true honey). But besides having barely any sick days between the two of us and knowing we have to save what we have left incase one of us actually gets sick ourselves...part of us thought that Will was just sort of complaining since Kira had been home with Mom for 2 days and now Will likely wanted his shot at some alone time with Mom.

So we told him he's going to school and off to work/daycare/school we all went (infecting people along the way I'm sure).

Then on Friday when Will showed symptoms of actually coming down with whatever Kira had - I was so thankful that it was on a Friday that I'd already had the day off as a vacation day due to Will's no school day. I was counting my blessings that this happened on this Friday because it gave us a long 3 day weekend to deal with this and it also meant that he'd likely be better by Monday. I was so thankful about the wonders of life and about how the timing couldn't have been any better. And since I'd made a billion doctor's appointments on my productive Tues/Wed home with her - Kira had an appointment for an immunization and excema check on Friday - so I figured why not ask if the doctor can see them both since they will both be with me at the clinic and Will is actually the sick one now so maybe they can "make it a double" appointment.

So then again I gave thanks about the wonderful timing of all this and isn't life just amazing that I just happened to have a doctor's appointment scheduled for today at 10AM and that the wonderful woman on the phone went above and beyond and gave me the secret (reach a human) phone number for my clinic because she couldn't schedule a double from the appointments line. And how wonderful it is that the human at the clinic (that we wouldn't have normally been allowed to speak to) said it would be fine to make the appointment a double.

So then we have the appointment. Will gets a throat culture for strep and it's negative. The doctor is pretty sure he has what Kira had and since it seems to be moving through the house he turns and asks me how I'm feeling.

I think about how the right gland in my neck is swollen and I can feel it every time I swallow. I know my body is either fighting this off or about to come down with it.

Do I tell him? No.

I just tell him that "I'm doing good" or something like that. Is it because we are that programmed as adults to be polite? Seriously. He mentions something about Mom's being strong and we laugh and joke but we both know - I'm next. Giggle. I just find that so funny because you'd think that it would only make sense for me to tell the doctor about my throat...while I'm at the clinic and he's asking....but all I can think of is how lucky we are that they let us make this appointment a DOUBLE and the thought of making it a TRIPLE is beyond my comprehension.

The doctor told me about how he was semi-retired now and they had some new computer system and he couldn't access a record and thought it must be a sign that it was time for him to quit for good. Giggle. Don't we all think things like that are "signs". So funny.

What else I noticed - everyone I deal with for the past 2-3 years involved with this agency complains about this new computer system. When I had Kira - the midwives would complain about the new computer system - people not getting the care they need because it's harder to track what's going on via the computer vs the paper charts they were used to. After she was born and they typed in all the data about her weight and height and all that...the lady pushed some wrong keystroke and lost all the information. Then she didn't care so much the 2nd time around and Kira's precious stats were approximated a bit more and a bit less exact the 2nd time around. That hospital is affiliated with my place of employment and the insurance company is the insurance I get through work. Now THIS doctor is affiliated with the same insurance company and it's been a few years and HE's complaining about the same new computer system. It reminds me of our new computer system at my work and even though I think progress is important and I'm no stranger to technology....I know about all the bugs that happen that make us not able to work and I sometimes wonder if maybe - paper is actually the way to go.

Maybe things would be better if our doctors made house calls like they do in Europe. Maybe someday there will be some sort of Y2K type computer/internet disaster and everything will go - kaput. Whatever - until then - we blog at 3AM. Right?

Where was I? Oh yeah - So anyway - now Will's sick and I thought it was with whatever Kira had - but he's a lot sicker than she was so now I'm not so sure. Which means either his body is weaker and whatever they both had is taking a bigger toll on him or else it means that they have something different. That wouldn't be good because she was sucking on his juice box today and last thing I need is for her to get what he has now.

So when Will woke up at 2:30AM to tell us that he "couldn't talk" and that his throat didn't feel good and I could tell from touching him that his fever was higher than it was earlier today...I had to get on the computer to look up the H1N1 symptoms because that's just one I wasn't able to look up in one of my books on the bookshelf. It took FOREVER to get into the computer because it kept needing to be shut down and restarted (which I took as a SIGN that I shouldn't be on the computer - LOL!)

But finally I got in and read about:

Signs of influenza A(H1N1) are flu-like, including fever, cough, headache, muscle and joint pain, sore throat and runny nose.

Will has all of that...

A person should seek medical care if they experience shortness of breath or difficulty breathing, or if a fever continues more than three days. For parents with a young child who is ill, seek medical care if a child has fast or labored breathing, continuing fever or convulsions (seizures).

Will has the shortness of breath according to the doctor this morning. He always has difficulty breathing when he's sick because his "weak area" is his lungs. The doctors sometimes label it "reactive airway" or "asthma" but he's never been officially diagnosed. He used to have a nebulizer/albuterol for colds and such since he used to always get shortness of breath anytime he was sick.

So - now we wait - I guess we watch to see if the fever gets worse and track how he's doing. Maybe we go to Urgent Care since now it's the weekend and everything is closed. I'm in no rush to go there though since they tend to be useless for things like this. I'm so tired of hearing - yeah - your kid is sick - go home - rest up - drink fluids - take tylenol. It seems they can never do anything to help - why bother going in? Yet we probably will - because we always do - just incase - since you never know.

So anyway - now it's 4AM. Maybe it's H1N1. Maybe it's not. Maybe I'll get it next. Maybe I won't. Maybe Kira will get sick again if it's something different than she had before. Maybe she won't. Likely Jeff won't get sick because he never does. Likely I will because I always do. Likely Will has the same thing Kira had and she was better in 2 days so likely he'll be better in 2-3 days and likely I'll be back at work on Monday. Maybe I infected those I worked with on Thursday. Maybe not. Maybe now their families are sick. Maybe not. Maybe Will's classmates will get sick and Kira's daycare kids will get sick and some movie theater people that Will coughed on Will get sick. Maybe not. It sounds worse if it's H1N1 - but seriously - who cares. It's a virus. It will pass.

I should sleep.

William kept waiting up for me while I'd leave his room to try and get the computer to turn on so I could look up the symptoms. I'd go into his room now and then and massage/tickle his body to cool him off while we waited for the tylenol to kick in and I told him:

"Dad will be mostly taking care of Kira and I will be mostly taking care of you. I will be bringing you kleenexes and taking care of your throat and helping you feel better...but your job is to sleep. Maybe I'll snuggle in here with you and maybe I'll go sleep on the couch....I'll check on you all the time...but don't stay awake waiting for me - I want you to sleep because our bodies get better when we sleep."

And he is - so I will too.

Traded Everything For Love

2009-10-16T20:51:00.000-07:00

What is really important?

2009-10-14T20:47:00.000-07:00

Well I've been home with a sick kid the last couple of days and have been alternating between feeling really productive with these extra "weekday" chances to clean the house and do laundry and make dentist/doctor/eye appointments AND feeling completely exhausted because I'm not sleeping at night and I'm still taking care of her all day long.

We stopped at Caribou this morning to get coffee. I had her in my arms and went in my pajamas with bed head. I'm starting to recognize the employees who work there. That's not good. I'm not supposed to be a coffee drinker. This must stop.

I've been reading Mitch Albom's: Have A Little Faith when she naps. It's pretty good. I was thinking about PERSPECTIVE because being forced to stay home from work to care for her helps me focus on what is really important in life. (It also makes me want to quit my job and be a stay home mom - but that's a different converation). I was giving a lot of thought to this whole perspective thing and then eventually got to this part in the book - interestingly enough - also about focusing on what is really important in life. Love that! Love life!

From the book:
"A little girl came home from school with a drawing she'd made in class. She danced into the kitchen, where her mother was preparing dinner.

"'Mom, guess what?' she squealed, waving the drawing.
"Her mother never looked up.
"'What?' she said, tending to the pots.
"'Guess what?' the child repeated, waving the drawing.
"'What?' the mother said, tending to the plates.
"'Mom, you're not listening.'
"'Sweetie, yes I am.'
"'Mom,' the child said, 'you're not listening with your eyes.'"

Lego Ship

2009-10-10T15:43:00.000-07:00

Hope for a better future!

2009-10-09T18:29:00.000-07:00

President Obama won the Nobel Peace Prize!

Thorbjoern Jagland of the Nobel Committee is quoted as saying, “Only very rarely has a person to the same extent as Obama captured the world’s attention and given its people hope for a better future."

I love that!

Go-bama! Go-bama!

Siblings

2009-10-07T17:39:00.000-07:00

So Will had a meltdown this morning because Kira was holding one of his stuffed animals. He is used to being an only child for the first 5 years of his life and now at age 6 is finally having to learn about sharing. So Kira is walking around the living room holding Will's Big Dog by the tail and Will starts crying about how she has his Big Dog.

I want to get him to calm himself down and ask politely for assistance instead of freaking out over the issue. My plan is to get the dog from Kira and not actually make him share Big Dog first thing in the morning when he's only been awake for 2 minutes and isn't stable yet. I just don't want him freaking out and crying instantly. I want him to remain calm and ask for help. I have no idea what is appropriate behavior for his age but I'm thinking a bit more emotional stability couldn't hurt.

He moves onto a chair and is having a "poor me" moment and then before anything else can happen...Miss Kira heads over to Will and starts hugging and snuggling with him. She has no idea that he's upset with her. She has no idea it's about Big Dog whose tail she is still holding. She just sees her 6 year old brother freaking out and crying and she - at 15 months - instantly goes over to snuggle with and hug him!

Isn't that amazing?! Amazing!

So then Will decides that he's going to go get some toy out of his room to give to her since she was being sweet to him in his time of need and now he wants to return the favor.

No parenting needed. They just worked it out. Love it!

Tribal Leadership

2009-10-06T21:11:00.000-07:00

I liked this speech by David Logan. Love these TED videos!

and finally 2009!

2009-10-04T09:04:00.000-07:00

Blast From The Past 2008

2009-10-03T07:33:00.000-07:00

Blast From The Past - 2007

2009-10-02T16:43:00.000-07:00

Blast From The Past - 2006

2009-10-01T16:42:00.000-07:00

Blast From The Past - 2005

2009-09-30T08:47:00.000-07:00

Blast From The Past - 2004

2009-09-29T09:52:00.000-07:00

Blast From The Past - 2003

2009-09-28T19:45:00.000-07:00

WILL biting his fingers by a sign at the zoo that says...

Kira's snacking

2009-09-27T15:45:00.001-07:00

Little Miss Kira has been getting into food and feeding herself lately. We used to be able to keep the cereal cabinet 1/2 way locked/baby-proofed. It was locked enough to keep her out but unlocked enough so we could easily get in. That doesn't work any more. She has figured out how to get in and how to take out the cereal boxes. She'll go right into the cereal boxes and open the flap and unroll the bag and dump the entire box on the floor and start eating. I promise there is adult supervision in this house - she's just fast and quiet.

We were putting today's groceries away and she reached into the fridge and grabbed a pepper jack cheese stick. It was wrapped in plastic so I didn't think it would be a problem. Then somehow she got the cheese out. She bit and sucked on the end until finally she broke the seal and could get some cheese out.

The next thing I know she's sitting on the floor sticking her entire hand into this tub of cream cheese that William had left out when he'd had his cheese and triscuits earlier.

Then Jeff cleaned her hand up and went to put away the cheese and she went straight for his sandwich that he momentarily set down so he could attend to her.

I promise that we feed her. I'd just given her watermelon and blueberries and some chicken. She shouldn't have been THAT hungry. I think it's just survival of the fittest baby!

Charles Leadbeater

2009-09-23T18:58:00.000-07:00

One more video to share. This guy has a different take on it but I enjoy listening to him talk about interconnectedness and collaboration and the web and such. It reminds me of when I posted a blog post about an old college professor a couple weeks ago and then he actually read it and posted about my blog on his facebook page! Seriously. Amazing! Talk about interconnectedness. So interesting!

What's on the bookshelf?

2009-09-23T18:47:00.000-07:00

I highly recommend this book - Do They Hear You When You Cry by Fauziya Kassindja . I read it a very long time ago and am thinking about grabbing it off the bookshelf and reading it again...

Family Photo

2009-09-22T19:40:00.000-07:00

Not so Wordless Monday

2009-09-21T19:48:00.000-07:00

Interesting Coincidence. I was having a Wordless Monday so I was going to post a picture that I have saved in my "Pretty Photos" folder. I looked at two. I realized the second one had words and I read them and was amazed to find that they are part of the Desiderata poem on my Peace Amongst the Madness CD that I listen to all the time. I find that so interesting because I collected these photos in December 2008 and I didn't start listening to that music until the summer of 2009. It might just be me - but I find that totally interesting! I find the photo - like the photo - keep the photo - forget about it - listen to the music - like the music - find the photo again and realize it's the same as the music. What the heck is that?! I'm sure it's a combination of my favorite words but this is supposed to be a Wordless Monday so let's call it a day.

Interconnectedness? Synchronicity? Coincidence? Quantum Entanglement?

Julie and Julia

2009-09-19T22:45:00.000-07:00

Finally saw the Julie and Julia movie. It was great! I didn't realize there was a blog element to the movie. That was fun. It reminded me of my very favorite blogger. This woman can cook! Even her salads are amazing! Two things I noticed about that movie though:

1) They never show anyone doing all the DISHES
2) Neither of those women had kids running around their houses

Because seriously - working and raising kids and cooking like that and doing the dishes... I only know of one person who I think will some day be able to pull that off!

We had Subway for dinner tonight and Perkins for lunch. We're going to some fireman's benefit for dinner tomorrow night. We'll probably have eggs or cereal for breakfast. I'll try to throw in a vegetable around lunch time.

I had 2 kids with diarrhea today. They BOTH pooped on my living room floor. Will pooped his pants outside. Then I took Kira's diaper off so she could have a breather and that is exactly when she decided to poop on the floor. Everyone was all cleaned up and later on I was having a pillow fight with Will who'd never gotten completely dressed again and then he laughed so hard that he pooped on the floor. Thank goodness we have hardwood floors...and thank goodness for my mom who watched the kids tonight so we could actually go see the movie!

What's going on with the stars lately?

2009-09-18T23:29:00.000-07:00

Whitney left her abusive husband and is trying to stay clean one day at a time and has a new album (I Look To You) out. Yay Whitney! Here's a video of her singing on Oprah. Give her a break - she's had it rough lately. Listen to HER and don't judge it at all. Gotta love Oprah's love for others! You rock ladies!

Kudos to my girl Angelina for being the model for a sculpture intended to raise awareness about nursing. The sculpture is horrible though. So I'll post a different picture instead of linking to the bad sculpture with good intentions.

My man Will has a video out for kids about tolerance by the Will and Jada Smith Family Foundation. It's not great but it's good enough.

I think the common theme here is that none of these things are blow you away outstanding in the Hollywood Perfect way that we are so used to these days. Instead - they are REAL and they are GOOD - they are BETTER than Hollywood Perfect!

KIWI update

2009-09-17T20:59:00.000-07:00

Miss Kira is such an active child! She is just soooo strong and soooo active and we're always asking her "what planet are you from?" She was running on the couch today and then diving down onto the pillows and then getting up and taking bites from the back of the couch cushins and then diving into the pillows on the other side and rolling around like crazy today. It's insane. She is so physical. Fearless and strong and physical! She dances and sings and is just full of MOVEMENT. It's interesting to see who is in that little body of hers. Sometimes I think her body is just too small for her BEING. She screams and shouts and yells almost for the pleasure of doing it. She's just a wild little child. Yet she can calm herself too and snuggle in as soon as she decides to stick her thumb in her mouth and soothe herself. My job is pretty much to keep her safe and contained and just let her do her thing...to encompass her while making sure she has an outlet for all this energy.

Will was so much more sensitive than Kira. I can't remember if I wrote about this already but Will was kicking this blow up toy across the living room the other day. I (good mom that I am) decided to show him just exactly where the sweet spot was and explained how if he kicked it lower it would actually fly farther and higher. Well - that worked a little too well and the thing went flying across the living room and crashed into our framed photos on the fireplace which then all fell down and landed on - Kira - who was looking UP to see the crash!

I immediately jumped into action not knowing if my child just got stabbed in the eyeball by the sharp corner of a wooden picture frame and as I swooped over to her...she screamed - like in ANGER (not fear...not sadness) - she was mad - and she HIT at her face over and over as if to get the pain off of her. It was such a forceful reaction! It was so interesting to see. She was fine - thank goodness! But her reaction was so her - so intense and forceful and strong. She was MAD and scared - not sad and scared - about the whole incident.

Anyway. She's also developing like crazy lately. Let's see...she is 14 months old and she is communicating so much lately. She's started saying "BYE BYE" when she waves instead of "baa baa" and she says "HOT" and "UP" instead of grunting and pointing "uh uh uh"...she says "UP" and "OFF" and such. She'll grab at her jacket and try to put on her shoes if she wants to go outside. She cries like crazy if she doesn't get what she wants. She's very persistent. I say, "No shoes, No outside" and she cries so hard and keeps asking over and over and over and over. I didn't feel William's "terrible two's" were bad. I'm thinking hers might be. If she doesn't want to go into her carseat...I have to pretty much restrain her and hold her down to buckle her in while she arches her back and squirms and resists.

Which makes me think about time outs. Will STAYS in time out. After the initial "who is the boss" adjustment period - with some holding him in the chair when he wanted to get out - he learned who was the boss and to this day will STAY in time out when I put him in the chair. It amazes me. I even used to "put him in timeout" when he was already strapped into his carseat. So really nothing would change. He was in his carseat. I'd be driving. Then he'd go slightly insane for awhile and eventually do something that warranted a time out and I'd tell him he was "in time out" even though nothing actually changed. I was still driving. He was still in his carseat. But now he was being punished and he'd cry and be sad about how he was in time out. I'm not so sure those things will work for Kira. I just can't see her personality doing time out in the say way Will does it. We'll see how it goes. At least I have a couple of years left before we have to deal with that.

I realize that's a strange note to end on - but that's all I've got. The crazies are in bed.

Oh wait - Will showed me his 1st grade room today. He also showed me where his old desk was (way in the back corner of the room as far away from the teacher's desk as you can get) and he showed me where his NEW desk is (right up in the front of the room as close to the teacher's desk as you can get). I have to say - I'm not surprised. I think that must have happened around the time when he stopped talking about loving school and started talking about hating school. He'll come home and talk about how it "was a hard school day" and the stuff she's making them learn is so "hard". Poor thing. I don't like that he dislikes school and thinks learning is hard. I sometimes wish we'd started him in Kindergarten this year instead of last year. He is one of the smallest and youngest in his class. I was always one of the youngest in my grades too. I turned out fine. I'm sure he'll be fine. He's a smart kid and he's so social and he gets good grades when he focuses. He gives up easily though on his homework. Sometimes he says to himself, "I can do it, I can do it" and chants this thing to himself that his teacher taught them because she doesn't want to hear them (him?) saying, "it's too hard...i can't do it..." We'll see how this year goes. He seems to be hanging in there. I just think we need a better way to educate our children.

School shouldn't be torture for bright loving happy kids like Will.

from Mom's fridge...

2009-09-17T20:09:00.000-07:00

When people see some things as beautiful,
other things become ugly.
When people see some things as good,
other things become bad.

Being and non-being create each other.
Difficult and easy support each other.
Long and short define each other.
High and low depend on each other.
Before and after follow each other.

Therefore the Master
acts without doing anything
and teaches without saying anything.
Things arise and she lets them come;
things disappear and she lets them go.
She has but doesn't possess,
acts but doesn't expect.
When her work is done, she forgets it.
That is why it lasts forever.

(Author Unknown)

S's Wedding!

2009-09-17T20:01:00.000-07:00

Friends and Family & the Oddities of this Island

2009-09-13T12:01:00.000-07:00

A few nuggets from my trip so far. Visualize a plane and a bus and a ferry (and lots of relaxing and people watching and listening to music) while I travel farther and farther away from home.

As I got closer to Martha's Vineyard I noticed a woman carrying a hat box (while her husband carried all their luggage.) Along the way I also saw at least 3 gentlemen wearing navy jackets with khaki pants. One even had a handkerchief in his jacket pocket. It reminded me of "Richie Rich". Very interesting people watching. Then I got on the ferry and the ladies behind me were talking about their hat boxes! I was listening to their accents and could tell they were from New York because they didn't have the Boston accent. I thought the ferry ride was rather exciting since I'd never been on a ferry but most people around me looked like they'd done it lots of times and they looked bored.

Somehow I started talking to the New York ladies about all the hat boxes and men in blue jackets and Boston, New York and Minnesota accents. It was so fun and I noticed that everyone within hearing range was listening to and enjoying our conversation. Their faces all went from dead and lifeless to smiling and listening with sparkling eyes. Because seriously - listening to the lady from Minnesota traveling to the Vineyard - talking to the New Yorkers - about women with hat boxes, men in navy sport coats, and accents - is fun stuff.

Then we arrived after 10 hours of traveling and walked down the ferry ramp into the pouring rain. My hotel was within walking distance so while everyone around me was rushing to get out of the rain, I was trying to fix my umbrella which kept blowing backwards and was getting completely soaked in the process. When suddenly - like magic - out of nowhere - this red umbrella popped open over my head and my sister, Teresa, was standing next to me saying, "Hi Jenny!". It was all very Mary Poppins-ish. Ahh...FAMILY.

Later that night we went to my sister Sarah's (the bride) house for dinner and I was still feeling a little like the tourist observing life in this new world until one of her friends joked about how someone had "materialized the perfect man" and I heard someone else talking about the "I-Ching". Ahh...FRIENDS and FAMILY.

One of their friends painted a beautiful glitter glue (henna tattoo style) piece of body art on my right arm (wrist to elbow). I'm loving it! The sun is finally out after 2 days of rain and I think it's a perfect day for a wedding!

P.S.
Hi Jeff and Will and Kira! I miss you guys! Thanks for the music Jeff - am loving it! I'm rocking out to the UP and dancing in line for the restroom on the airplane - bopping in my seat on the bus - dancing in my hotel room - and rocking out while I type this blog post. Now and then I talk way too loud over the music to people forgetting that it's only ME - not them - who can hear this music. Gotta run! I'll "unwind" this trip and do it all again backwards all day tomorrow until I'm back HOME with you guys! Kira - can't wait to nurse you! Will - you're going to love Mama's glittered up arm! (My mom just stopped by - I talked a little too loud to her - she asked what I was listening to - I handed her my left ear thing - she listened to the UP for a bit and then had a really good laugh. Who doesn't love a bit of hip hop to keep things real on this perfect little Island?!)

Shedding an Old Skin - Eknath Easwaran

2009-09-11T04:34:00.000-07:00

I'm off on VACATION! But before I go I have a story to share:

"During the monsoon time in Kerala, the state in South India from which I come, the paddy fields stretch like an endless emerald carpet towards the horizon. It is a time of great growth and joy for all creatures. As a little boy, I used to walk beside my spiritual teacher, my mother's mother, across those rice fields to our ancestral temple.

As we walked, I would often see the cast-off skin of a snake, lying like a lace ribbon beside the path. One day, I asked Granny, "Why do these snakes have to lose their skin?" Her reply was full of wisdom. I realize now that she was speaking of more than snakes. "If snakes do not shed their skin," she replied, "they cannot grow. They will suffocate in their old skin." I often remember her words. Today we too need to grow. The intense restlessness of our young people, the dissatisfaction and stifled idealism which haunts so many older people - these are signs that our society is ready to shed an outworn definition of who we are and what we can become. While I appreciate the attempts made by governments and distinguished groups and some corporation to solve our environmental or social problems, the solution lies ultimately in your hands and mine. What kind of image do we have of ourselves? What is our purpose in living?

By undertaking to answer those questions from our own experience, we will be laying the foundations of a truly sustainable society."

LOVE THAT!

Now I'm off to enjoy my last minute packing as I envision myself - driving to the airport - flying on an airplane - taking a bus - riding on a ferry - and staying in a hotel room - ALL BY MYSELF - with no husband - and NO KIDS - and not a care in the world - time with my brother and sisters - a wedding - a spa - an ocean - a massage - a pedicure - and PEACE.

Interconnectedness

2009-09-08T21:46:00.000-07:00

THOUGHT OF THE DAY...

INTERCONNECTEDNESS

Pando Tree

You Tube Nature Video/Music

LOVE a productive 3 DAY weekend!

2009-09-07T17:54:00.000-07:00

What is it about the 3rd day of a 3 day weekend that makes me suddenly more productive?

I'm pleased to report that I just cleared about 2 years worth of stuff out of my house. 2 Years! Kira is 14 months old so that's part of my excuse. Let's recap what has happened during that time while it's fresh in my mind from sorting through all the mess.

Months of morning (all day) sickness. Months of gestational diabetes - which will suck every ounce of energy you've ever had. Delivery of an almost 9 pound baby in the occiput posterior position. (I use the real name because "sunny side up" just doesn't cut it). Healing from that delivery. Maternity leave with both kids at home. Returning to work full-time. Sending Kira to daycare. Getting her to take a bottle. Pumping at work. Nursing all night long. Sending Will to school and figuring out Kindergarten and homework. Finding the balance needed to be a full-time working parent of two with one in his first year of school and another in her first year of daycare. Figuring out how to pick up one from daycare and one from school and carry everything into the house through the snow and eat snacks and make dinner and eat dinner and do dishes and do homework and give baths and wash clothes and get everyone ready for bed all within the 5pm - 7pm window. Speech therapy. Doctors appointments galore until we figured out what Will was allergic to and why he couldn't breathe. Learning about immunizations and doing them differently with Kira. Collecting every piece of artwork a Kindergartener can make. Helping Will learn to read and write. Tying shoelaces. Riding bikes. Swimming. Diapers. Kira - learning to crawl - learning to walk - eating solid foods - learning to talk...

Whew!

Plus we'd been SAVING all our boy stuff since we didn't know if Kira would be a girl or a boy and so we'd accumulated 6 years of toys and clothes that would have been hand-me-downs had she been a boy. She's not. And we're NOT having any more kids so I am in "get rid of this stuff" mode! We've been giving away all the baby stuff that she doesn't need anymore. We've been donating toys and clothes to the "give away store" like mad.

And today....it was time for the PAPERS to get the boot. It is insane how much paper one can accumulate when their method of cleaning is to shove it all into a laundry basket and then stick the laundry basket into the closet...at least quarterly...for 2 years.

But now - thanks to this 3 day weekend - the attics are clean and the closets are clean and the papers are tossed or organized.

We are ready for a new school year! BRING IT ON! I'll try not to save every item of artwork my first grader makes. If I do, I'll put it right into the "WILL KEEPS" box! I will use my files and folders and organizational system that I've spent countless hours creating and re-creating and labeling with my label maker over the years.

Next on the "to-do" list: getting back in shape, catching up on the last 6 years of photo albums and scrapbooks, and filling in those darn baby books.

Here are a couple of gems I found while cleaning:

Quote from Will - "It's good to be alive 'cuz then you can do lots of good things!"

The 1st sentence Will wrote - "I SEE MY CAT ON A HAT."

Kira in her swing fussing from boredom turns into loud cry of pain. Mom hears change in cry and enters room to find Will on couch with rubber bands. Will says, "She's not crying because I shot her! She was crying before I shot her!"

PREPARE/ENRICH

2009-09-06T13:01:00.000-07:00

So I was driving home from the store yesterday and drove by this building that said:

PREPARE-ENRICH

It was so exciting because I had this professor in college who shared with us the assessment tools he'd developed to give people feedback about themselves and their relationships so that they can identify their strengths and areas to work on and grow as a couple...and I knew immediately that he is still out there helping people. I love it when people's dreams and hard work pay off and I want to give a shout out to Professor Olson! You rock!

A bummed out Optimus Prime

2009-09-05T21:23:00.000-07:00

Full Circle & Synchronicity

2009-09-05T13:19:00.000-07:00

I love it when things come full circle. I thought I had 2 examples...but it magically turned into 3!

1) I was having a discussion with someone about something. I called this particular thing going on "growing pains". That person thought that was an interesting way to think about it. Then time passed and I have a feeling that person talked about it with at least one other person because suddenly I was having lunch with someone else completely when I heard my own words come out of this other person's mouth. She was talking about how this particular thing was like "growing pains". So funny! So either it was just an interesting coincidence; or that whole thing just went FULL CIRCLE and I got to hear my own words be said back to me!

2) I follow this blog called SYNCH-RO-NI-ZING. She had this video that I liked by Will Hoffman. So then I did a search on You Tube for Will Hoffman and found another video by him. It wasn't as great as the first one but it was fun since he's talking about the law of nature. So then I get done watching that and end up watching this video about...(you guessed it!)... SYNCHRONIZING!!! I love that! I love when life works like that!

I highly recommend watching it. I could go on about how it relates to life and human behavior at work but I have boundaries and try not to write about work on my blog - especially on labor day weekend! Anyway - this all led me to an interesting looking website which I haven't spent much time on but have a feeling I'll enjoy.

3) Totally off-topic but really quickly:
There is this ridiculous article in the paper today. I almost felt like I was reading the tabloids there was so much spin in this thing. I gave an earful to my poor husband when he asked me about it and he told me I should write them a letter in response. I told him that I'm sure the 'powers that be' will have that covered. Don't believe everything you read folks. Even if there are kernals of truth - there is ALWAYS MORE TO THE STORY. You have nothing unless you have all the facts. It reminds me of Gossip.

I read a study once that said people believe the gossip they hear more than the facts in front of them. MORE THAN THE FACTS IN FRONT OF THEM. That's some powerful stuff folks! I hate gossip. Can't stand it. Try to stay away from it. Try not to spend too much time with those who love to hear and spread it. Gossip only gives you one side of the story and often that one side of the story isn't 100% accurate.

I always like to get my facts from the SOURCE. Go to the CORE. Go to the ROOT. Get to the HEART of an issue. Get to the BOTTOM of a matter. I love that. I love writing that.

When will our workplaces evolve into places where "office politics" is a thing of the past?! I think we're getting there little by little my friends. The reason I know this is because the very thing that will help us get there - is the very thing I was talking about when I had those "growing pains" conversations. How's that for life bringing this blog post FULL CIRCLE for me?!

Seriously folks. I'm not making this stuff up. This is how my life works! LOVE it!

Labor Day Weekend!

2009-09-04T18:22:00.000-07:00

I got this quote of the day from someone at work today:

"Many people worry so much about managing their careers, but rarely spend half that much energy managing their lives. I want to make my life, not just my job, the best it can be. The rest will work itself out." Reese Witherspoon

Amen Sister!

Just a couple photos from today...as we get a jump start on our 3 day weekend!

School ramblings

2009-09-02T21:27:00.000-07:00

William is growing up! When he was younger (age 4), he couldn't talk about his day. It was too much for him. I think it's hard for little kids to remember the crazy facts that adults will solicit for after the first few days of daycare or preschool. What did you do today? I don't know. What did you eat for lunch? I don't know. It's not that they don't want to talk about it. They just seriously can't remember. Their little brains are gathering so much information and they don't realize they're supposed to retain stupid little facts about what they ate and what they did and what they learned. They just EAT and DO and LEARN - in the moment and move on with their fun lives.

Last year (kindergarten - age 5) we found a balance. He couldn't volunteer information about his day upon request but I could ask questions and he could answer them. Did you have gym today? Yes. Did you eat all your sandwich? No. Did you play with so-in-so at recess? Yes. Then often he'd come up with things to tell me when we'd snuggle at night before bed. So-in-so has a cow in their backyard that woke them up with it's moo-ing in the middle of the night. There are aliens in the haunted house behind the playground. So-in-so killed an invisible alien today but it was invisible so I couldn't see it. Always interesting these stories... and they often led to conversations intended to solicit just a tiny bit of critical thinking from my gullible young one.

So now we're in 1st grade (age 6) and he's a bit older. He gets that I want a few nuggets about the day and he's more willing to share. He had three things to tell me today - unsolicited. I won't go into detail about them all - just one.

I can't write it clearly because it didn't make sense totally. He seemed to be saying "pat on the back" but was clapping like a "round of applause"... so I'm not exactly sure what words were said but there was clapping as a form of praise.

He said, "Ms. T told us to give ourselves a (round of APPLAUSE) and everyone clapped. Then I said, 'Everyone give Ms. T a (round of APPLAUSE)' and she said 'Thank You!'" He was BEAMING and then gave me a hug so hard it hurt us both.

I love that about him. What 1st grader does that on their 2nd day of school?! She gave them praise and it made him feel good so he immediately gives her praise that I'm sure made her feel good. I'm telling you. He's a natural born leader that one.

He's also always thinking outside the box (especially for bedtime snacks). Do you want A or B? C. No. How about D? No - you can have A or B. That's it. Nothing else. Pick one or you get nothing.

It makes for interesting parenting because I love that about him and it will serve him well later in life but there are plenty of times I want him INSIDE that box. So sometimes he gets C and sometimes he has to pick from A and B no matter how wonderfully creative C is.

One last story:
He had to pick 5 words to describe himself on his homework tonight. Here they are:

1) LOVE TEACHER (how cute!)
2) HAPPY
3) FRIENDLY
4) FUN
5) SMART

1st Grade!

2009-09-01T21:17:00.000-07:00

These pictures don't reflect Will's excitement about school starting back up, but he woke up and started shouting, "Mom! I'm awake and I can't wait (for school)!" He did a happy dance right before this photo was taken.

Then we went outside for the annual front door pose...

and some photos with the rest of the family...

until he collapsed from all the paparrazi!

Then off to school for the first day of 1st grade!

KIWI

2009-08-30T20:27:00.000-07:00

Thoughts on becoming our parents...

2009-08-30T12:12:00.000-07:00

This is a picture of my mom going fishing with my son when he was about 3 years old. I love the way he's looking up at her and participating in what I'm sure was a very important conversation about the wonders of nature.

Some of my favorite quotes:

My life is my message. - Mahatma Ghandi
Your children will become what you are; so be what you want them to be. - David Bly
The secret to happiness is not in doing what one likes to do, but in liking what one has to do. - Anonymous
A friend is one who knows us, but loves us anyway. - Fr. Jerome Cummings
Work is love made visible.- Khalil Gibran, The Prophet

I've been thinking about the BLUE one a lot lately since I'm starting to hear my own words come out of my 6 year old's mouth. Here are some examples:

Kira went into Will's room the other day. William's room is supposed to be "off limits" because of all the little lego pieces that she could choke on. She seems to find her way over to his room anytime his door is left open. He'll usually let her stay as he enjoys her company until she breaks something. After that scenario played out one morning last week, I heard him say to her, "Kira, you MAY NOT be in here. Kira, that is UNACCEPTABLE."

Today he said, "Mom watch" then he took his gum out of his mouth with a kleenex and threw the kleenex wrapped gum into the garbage and continued, "wasn't that APPROPRIATE of me?"

I was on the computer making a playlist for my blog (see the lovely new feature at the bottom of this page) and I spent a little too long working on it. William was sure to come over and let me know that I was having "TOO MUCH SCREENTIME".

We're always working on manners and being polite. Will was in the living room with Kira and I overhead him say, "Yay Kira! You finally got in the right way...but EXCUSE ME Kira, I'm SORRY I have to take it away."

We're constantly working on coping skills and I'm always reminding him to take a deep breath to calm himself down when he gets upset. He was tying his shoelace and got frustrated and walked away saying, "Uh, my brain just forgets how to do it!" I said, "Yeah, sometimes we just need to take breaks." He TAKES A BREATH and says, "Yeah, and then when I calm down my brain will remember how to do it."

When I'm talking passionately about something, my husband says, "Ok Carolyn" (because I sound like my mom.)

Speaking of mom - she always taught us to stand up for what we believe and to speak our mind. She taught us the value of education and how to research something for ourselves so we can formulate our own opinion on the matter. She taught us to say what needs to be said even if our voice shakes. She instilled in us the importance of using non-violent communication. She doesn't make small talk. All conversations are substantial. We are responsible for our own reactions to a situation. Synergy is important in relationships. Divorce is best handled through Collaborative Law. Wisdom is important. She taught us these things by her actions and her words and by simply living life and being herself. I am thankful for that.

Your children will become what you are; so be what you want them to be. - David Bly

New growth!

2009-08-28T21:02:00.000-07:00

I was just telling someone at work today about how I thought I killed my cucumber plant only to come home and find a new cucumber growing! I have no idea where this new cucumber came from. I just recently checked on the plant and declared it dead. Amazing! I'm not a true gardener since I don't like all the work involved with weeding and clearing a special area and placing so many seeds so many inches apart and so many inches deep. Not my style. I just usually dig a hole in the middle of the grass in the backyard somewhere and lovingly sprinkle in a few seeds and water the general area every now and then. Something ALWAYS grows! Gotta LOVE nature!

I think it is extremely important for my children to participate in this process and William actually eats the food we grow! We don't put up any fences to keep the animals away and are more than happy to share our veggies with the neighborhood critters. There might be a new bunny making a home in this year's tomato plant. I deleted the posts about last year's bunny so I'll snap some photos of this little one if he decides to make a home in our yard like the other rabbit did.

Something about this whole line of thought reminds me of the Packets of Light poem by StoryPeople. "These are little packets of light and you need to plant them early in the year and remember to mark where they were because lots of times they look like weeds in the beginning and it's not until later that you see how beautiful they really are." - Brian Andreas

Yoga Posts

2009-08-09T21:52:00.000-07:00

My boy knows yoga! Who knew?! I love that! We were talking at bedtime and he started telling me about these yoga "posts" that he learned at Rec Plus. He taught them to me and asked me if yoga was around when I was I kid. We were doing yoga on the bed and then we moved to the floor so we could balance better. It brings me such pleasure to know that my 6 year old is doing yoga when I'm off at work. I can't even tell you how peaceful this makes me. It's just such a nice surprise!

He kept calling them yoga "posts" though. We're not big on correcting speech around here. I find it absolutely adoreable that he doesn't always know the correct words and I've never felt the need to correct him. But now I have a 6 year old who talks like a baby and is in speech therapy. Some of the other kids used to make fun of him and I know kids can get meaner as they get older so I'm not sure what first grade will bring. This sounded more like a listening issue and not a physically can't say the word speech issue so somewhere in the middle of doing the "turtle post" and the "dog post" and the "flamingo post" I whispered to him that the word was not "post - p.o.s.t" but that it was "pose - p.o.s.e". He said "oh" and Jeff added that he should just think "nose...pose". It worked for a bit and then he went back to calling them posts. We left it at that because teaching your mom yoga posts after bedtime is just so much more interesting than saying the word correctly...and learning yoga posts from your child in his pajamas is way more fun than correcting speech.

We tried bike riding without training wheels today. We took turns running behind or along the side of him helping him to balance. It was exhausting! I don't know how kids learn to ride bikes. I'm thinking we're going to need lots and lots and lots of practice. I'm thinking there is going to be blood and tears involved. I might just have to let Jeff handle it.

We got rid of Kira's high chair last week and got her a booster that attaches to our kitchen chair and has a little tray on the front just like a high chair. It sort of transforms as she grows. I never knew these things existed! I love it! She's also fully strapped in now so there is no more standing up and turning around and rocking the back of the highchair. She's stuck tight nice and safe in this thing. Love it!

Jeff and I celebrated our anniversary this weekend. We've been together for almost 14 years and married for 7 of them. I totally think we should get credit for the entire 13+ years. We went to Cafe 28 and then listened to Michael Monroe at Lake Harriet until it started to rain and they had to stop the show. It was a nice night. We may have to make it a tradition.

Today's ramblings

2009-07-31T22:23:00.000-07:00

Kira had her 1 year (a month late) physical today. I made two highlighted notecards for Jeff with the info about which immunizations she will/won't be having. I coached him while he was half asleep before I left for work on exactly how to handle any "pushing" by the doctor for certain vaccines.

Apparently we'd made an impression because for the first time ever - there was no pushing. No guilt trip...no encouraging...no prodding...no convincing...no fake smiles while believing we are neglectful parents. They just looked down at a note they'd made in Kira's chart from last time and asked, "What shots will you be having today?" Imagine that?! Leaving it up to the parents. Seriously. You'd think it'd be this easy every time. I'm amazed. I've never experienced that in 6 years of parenting and I missed it today because I had to work. Jeff told them she'd just be having the 2nd Polio shot. No MMR. We'll decide about the flu shot in October.

Jeff asked for mumps alone but was told they don't do that here in America. What the heck kind of insanity is that? Who is this wacko doctor? I'll have to research that. I've had the single rubella vaccine before. My childhood MMR didn't take. I still got the mumps as a kid. I was not immune to rubella so had that vaccine in the hospital after having Will. They didn't document it though which drives me insane. There is no record of it. I was there - age 30. I remember asking for it. I remember her giving it to me. I'm sure if they tested me now - I'd be immune to rubella. But my medical records don't reflect the fact that I've had that vaccine. Regardless, obviously they can immunize people for measles or mumps or rubella as single vaccines as needed. They don't always have to come as a cocktail.

They drew blood by pricking her finger and squeezing little drops of blood over and over and over into a little vile. Jeff had to restrain her. It took forever and she screamed and cried and now has red spots all over her face from the broken capillaries. I nursed her at least 4 times tonight between 5pm and 8pm just so she'd know that the world is safe and everything is fine. I talked to her (telepathically) while she nursed and stared into my eyes, "I'm so proud of you...I'm so proud of you...You did such a good job today" while I caressed her face and skin.

Then I finished this book . I'd seen it at Patina and didn't buy it. Then I saw it again at Target so I finally bought it. It's a great book! A woman's story about her love for her father, her journey with cancer and being in that "middle place" where you are both your parents' child and your child's parent at the same time. Loved it! Except for one sentence on page 205 that hit me like a ton of bricks as being dead wrong. But it is HER story - not mine.

I was reading the last chapter upstairs in my bed. Jeff was out with friends. Kira was in her crib sleeping. Will was on the couch watching Star Wars the clone wars since Jeff wasn't home for Friday Family Fun Night. Then Will comes up the steps...

Will: Mom - you freaked me out - not telling me where you were - you made my heart beat very fast without even moving

(We snuggle for a bit while I hold his heart and help him relax like Jeff does for me sometimes.)

Me: That feeling where your heart beats fast and you're not even moving - that's called when you get nervous

Will: I know - that's what I said

And now he's tucked in his bed asleep too. He asked me to keep the bathroom light on and his door open. I told him I'd be in the livingroom which is just on the other side of his bedroom wall. I told him if we cut a hole through the wall between us - I'd be able to see him. He asked if we could really do that. I said no and we laughed about how funny that would be.

So now it's storming outside and I'm blogging for much too long while I wait for my husband to come home so I can go to sleep in peace without having any twinges of being afraid of the dark. Odd that middle place... Intruders watch out - I will kick your ass if you come near my children - yet - the monsters and ghosts always seem to come out when I'm home alone at night. Maybe I'll do the dishes.

Food

2009-07-26T20:48:00.000-07:00

Kira ate bird poop off the sidewalk the other day. BIRD POOP. Jeff says she seemed to enjoy it.

She pulled a rotten banana out of the garbage this morning and started eating it through the blackened peel. I took it away and quickly replaced it with a nice yellow freshly peeled banana. She started eating that one while I cleaned up the mess in the kitchen. Then I heard some swishing water and rushed to the bathroom just in time to find her enjoying her freshly peeled and now toilet water marinated banana. "Yucka! - Give it to Mama."

Will has learned to use our "healthy food FIRST" motto to his advantage.
"Mom. Can I have a sucker?"
"No"
"Can I have an apple and then a sucker?"
"Okay"

Life

2009-07-25T11:12:00.000-07:00

I've finished my Breakfast with Buddha book. I loved it and intended to post about it and all the reminders and coincidences that happened while reading it...but I'm not going to.

so instead

I'll share this video that I watched this morning. This is the way to start a wedding! Kira dances to the music and Will thinks it is "good stuff man."

Baseball Tuesday

2009-07-21T22:44:00.000-07:00

Some of the parents bring their kids to these baseball games in the park at 7pm on Tuesdays. Some of the dads help out on the field while the moms usually sit and watch. I wanted to bring Will this week since Jeff brought him last week. I gave him his glove, sent him over with the rest of the players and got all settled in on the grass with my blanket and book. I didn't read though since it was more fun to watch Will run after the balls and throw them back. They totally included him in the game. He was so proud of himself!

There were a couple of older kids and three adults. We'd been there for maybe 30 minutes or so when I started to wonder if the pitching machine would be too fast for him. Then the adults had their turn at bat and I realized that if one of those balls hit my kid - it would cause some damage. Finally I caught on that we were at the wrong baseball field and noticed a group of younger kids with baseball bats at the other field. I wondered what these nice people thought of our inserting ourselves (mom w/blanket and camera & 6 year old with rain soaked glove) into their game like that. I enjoyed the humor of it all as I called my kid over and packed up my book and camera and blanket to head over to the right area. This time I asked the parents, "Can we join your game?" Of course their answer was YES!

Will made this beautiful artwork today for Kira. I wanted to post a picture of it after my whole blog post about their names the other day. I love all the hearts and smiley faces! I'll hang it in her room tomorrow.

Speaking of that little one...

Step 1: climb on top of seat

Step 2: bend down and eat noodles

Step 3: turn and vigorously shake back of seat

(with a big old cheesy grin of pleasure)

Step 4: continue eating noodles

Step 5: repeat step 3

The eyes of a child

2009-07-19T21:52:00.000-07:00

My sister, Teresa, is always telling me to write down the things that Will says. I never seem to have the time or make the time or whatever. I wanted to write this one down before I forget. Then I'm done blogging for a while. I'm reading "Breakfast with Buddha" in all my spare time. It is such a funny book. It's such an easy and light read. I'm loving it.

So anyway, Will was teaching me a dance he learned. He told me that they showed Mike and James and then he went on and on about how James was really impressed and amazed. So I asked him how he knew James liked it so much. I thought maybe he'd tell me that James was clapping or smiling or something.

Will stopped jumping on the bed for a second and looked me in the eyes and said, "I saw through his heart."

God In Here - or - God Out There

2009-07-19T11:47:00.000-07:00

So I woke up this morning thinking about these things and I'm not really sure how they all fit together but I'm hoping it will unfold as I write:

1) Our move from Blaine back to Minneapolis
white

2) Personality types: ISF j/p - phlegmatic - diligent - empath - healer

3) Reminders of who we are:
nature, friendships

4) Imperfect movies with bits of truth:
What the Bleep
Conversations with God
Fireproof

5) God - In here? vs. Out there?

Now I don't want to spend much time on the computer this morning. I just want to write for 15 minutes or so and enjoy the rest of the day. It's been so cold outside lately and there is sunshine this morning that I need to go enjoy.

1) Jeff and I both grew up in the city. We met and moved in together and then moved to the suburbs. Everything was WHITE. The people were white. There were Cub Foods and Super Targets and Applebees on every corner. We lived next to a McDonalds. All the people inside were white. We lived in a townhome complex and all the houses looked the same. Everything was new inside and all the walls and carpeting were beige/white. We only had windows on one side of the house. The teenagers would drive their trucks around and squeal their tires. I started to feel suffocated by all the blandness. We had our first child and didn't have a yard for him to play in. I visualized my son growing up and playing football and squealing his tires and being a racist. It was time to move. We moved back into the city.

We found a house with windows on every side and we had a fenced in back yard where our child could play. The big chain stores are still everywhere but they are surrounded by unique places to eat and shop. The people inside them are just as different and unique. I could breathe again. There was a life and an energy and a rainbow of color that felt comfortable to me. People would comment that most people have children and move out of the city whereas we had a kid and moved back in. I like raising my kids in the city. I like that they get to see homeless people and we can have discussions about that. I like that my child doesn't really know the labels "black" and "white" and that skin color doesn't enter his mind when he picks friends.

2) I love taking personality tests but find myself both amazed that they are able to peg my personality so accurately and yet be so wrong at the same time. I find joy in the fact that each person is unique and that there are so many variations within even the "same" personality type.

3) I think that we need to remember to do things and surround ourselves with people that remind us of Who We Really Are. Life can get so busy sometimes and we can lose sight of what is really important. It is so important to find those things that bring us joy and to actually DO them. It is so important to find those people who can see the REAL us and to take the time to spend time with them. It is so important to stay true to who we really are and to bring that self - our true self - to all situations we find ourselves in. I like the fact that those things and those people are different for everyone.

4) Sometimes I watch movies or read books and at the same time both love them for all the truth that they have within them yet am turned off because there are parts that they get so (in my mind) wrong. I'm always searching for the perfect book or the perfect movie that isn't open to misinterpretation and that lays life out just right. It doesn't exist. There are many that come close though. I try to remember to just gather up those that come close and only focus on the truths. I like the fact that even though religions vary greatly and all the great books are so different - there is usually a common theme of LOVE and goodness within each of them. I like the movie "What the Bleep" for it's truths but it irritates me because it is so corny. I like the book and movie "Conversations with God" for it's truths. Yet they irritate me because they are open to such misinterpretation.

5) This brings me to the "God - In here? or Out there?" issue. I find that many people believe in a God Out There or Above them. They separate themselves from God and believe that they are sinners and they look up to God for forgiveness and direction. Looking to God brings them peace and reminds them to be good and loving.

I also find that there are many people who believe in a God In Here or Within them. They include themselves as part of God and looking to God brings them just as much peace and reminds them of the good and love that we all are.

Yet the God Out There's tend to think the God In Here's are "lost". The God In Here's tend to think the God Out There's are "lost". It's almost comical except for the fact that people wage wars over differing religious beliefs.

I find that there is a synchronicity to life when you are on the right path. Things tend to fall into place and miracles happen. Everyone has an internal voice or intuition that leads them in the right direction. The key is learning to hear it and being willing to listen to it. The God Out There's and the God In Here's use very different words to describe what is happening. I think we can't get distracted by the different languages though - we simply need to focus on the fact that something is happening. There is a truth and a magic to life and we are so lucky to get to experience and enjoy it.

Take the movie "Fireproof" for example. It is an extremely Christian movie produced by people who believe they need to evangelize and save people's souls. For the "God Out There" believers - it is the word of the Lord on film yet the "God In Here" believers get turned off by the whole salvation thing. They're already "in tune" and "one with" God. I think it's important to look past that stuff, to find the core, and appreciate the truth. There are ways to do relationships that help nourish both you and them. That is a great movie. There is such truth in it. But the God In Here's will have to look past the salvation thing to see it.

Take the book/movie "Conversations With God". It has the feel of a "God Out There" believer transforming into a "God In Here" believer. There is truth in the movie/books but the God In Here's get turned off by the God Out There parts and the God Out There believers get turned off by the God In Here parts. In reality - it's just a movie/book about one person sharing their path and truths. That is a good thing.

Take the movie "What the Bleep". It is totally for the God In Here believers. Yet it's so darn corny. There is truth in there but you have to forgive and look past the cartoons to see it.

My point:
I just find all of that so interesting. I'm more of a God In Here believer. I think the reason why I can't find the ONE book or the ONE movie that spells everything out so perfectly without being open to misinterpretation is because there isn't ONE. There are many. Imagine the dullness that ONE truth would bring. There is such Color and Life in having many religions and skin colors and places to eat and shop. We're slowly learning as a human race to stop judging one another on skin color and sexual orientation and such. We are all people. We all love. We all find our way to God in our own way. I think it's a good thing that there are so many PATHS to God above and/or to God within. There are as many paths as there are people.

If I were God the Creator - Would I have made the world one big suburb or would I have made the world one big city? If I were God the Creator - Would I make sunshine and rain work together in such a way as to create RAINBOWS of color? Would those rainbows be reminders to people of both the unity of us all and the uniqueness of us all. Is that why they are so beautiful?

The trick is to find a way to live as a society where we can all follow our dreams and raise our children and nourish our souls and be outside long enough to actually see the rainbows. Imagine that world.

Now I need to get off this computer. My family is going outside to enjoy the sunshine. Happy Sunday to those who spent the morning in church and to those who can't stand being in church. Do something that nourishes your soul today. Whatever that is. Have fun!

Graffiti Mural

2009-07-18T21:18:00.000-07:00

Influences

2009-07-17T23:40:00.000-07:00

Well, I've been on a Jada Pinkett Smith kick lately and found this great video on You Tube. I've always been a fan of this couple. I love every movie Will Smith is in because of what he brings to his characters. Jada is equally as amazing and I have the utmost of respect for her.

I have to admit that when picking names for our son...both Will Smith's quality of character and the movie 'Good Will Hunting' with Matt Damon influenced our decision to call William "Will" instead of Bill or Billy or Willy. Whenever a new daycare provider asked what name he liked to be called, we'd ask them to call him WILL. He's got grandfathers and great-grandfathers with William in their names, my twin brother's middle name, my husband's last name and Will Smith and Matt Damon movies to watch for the rest of his life. Lucky kid!

Miss Kira has a similar story for her name. I went to see The Dark Crystal with my dad when I was about 9 or 10 years old. It had what at age 10 felt like a spiritual element that I was drawn to and the girl, Kira, had "fire". I love strong women. I'd hear the name every now and then over the next 25 years - a dad calling to his daughter when I was shopping...a little girl visiting a relative in a nursing home I was working at. I'd hear the name and pause, "There's that name - I love that name - My daughter's name".

I'm an Angelina Jolie fan and love what she brings to the characters she plays. I love that she's the Goodwill Ambassador for UNHCR. I love watching her kick ass in Tomb Raider. Angelina sounds like "little angel" to me and as much as my daughter is my little angel - I want to raise a really strong little angel.

I've been pregnant 5 times. I have 2 children. After my 4th pregnancy with still only 1 child, I have to admit to feeling pretty sorry for myself. "Will I ever have my KIRA?" I'm so thankful that she is finally here with us and I believe my wise son WILL when he tells me that "she came here for us".

WILLIAM MATTHEW
KIRA ANGELINA
WILL
KIRA
KIWI

I almost think the universe was just waiting for the right little soul to inhabit her body because she was going to have big shoes to fill with a name like that. My children are so different. Will is so sensitive. He is intelligent and wise and caring and gentle and intuitive. He cries. I help him learn coping skills and relaxation and deep breathing techniques. Kira is such a different baby than Will was. She was much easier and is much calmer - less intense. She was the typical "good baby" (although I hate that label). She has a strength and a self-assured calmness about her. She is rock-solid like my sister Sarah. Yet she is fierce. She is powerful. She doesn't cry so much as she screams. She shouts. She's loud. William would sit in his high chair and eat. Kira stands up in her seat and turns around and shakes the back of the seat. Her daycare provider thinks she might be the type of child who will learn to climb out of her crib. She has a calm strength. She can hold her own.

The actors in the movies we watch and the artists writing and singing the music we listen to influence us in more ways than we may like to admit. I've been listening to MaD Son's - Peace Amongst The Madness CD and the Unknown Prophets - The Road Less Traveled CD lately. I just think Mike's words have such substance and reflect his quality of character in such a way that his music almost has a healing effect on the listener. It has so much heart and soul and it is so honest and real. It brings me back to my core and keeps me centered when I lose my balance. I will be planting UP seeds wherever I go hoping one will eventually bloom for them. These guys deserve it. They are the influences our WILL's and KIRA's need.

KIWI update

2009-07-15T22:11:00.000-07:00

Kira is crying when we drop her off at daycare now. She hates being caged in with the baby gates that her provider uses. She apparently screamed like crazy the other day when she couldn't go into the next room with the older kids. It will be interesting to see how this plays out.

Will twisted his ankle today. He tells me is leg is only "half-broken". We finally bought him a bike helmet and he's anxious to take the training wheels off. He hasn't been eating his sandwiches at lunch lately. I cut his PB&J into 6 little star shaped (cookie cutter) mini-sandwiches and taped a note on his tupperware "EAT ME OR NO TV". I told him that each mini-sandwich was worth 10 minutes of TV time. He showed his friends the note and the sandwiches and ate 4 of them. We're making progress!

Happy 1st Birthday!

2009-07-06T19:00:00.000-07:00

Life and Death

2009-07-03T17:28:00.000-07:00

So I was reading an article in Minnesota Good Age about building a local blue zone in Albert Lea, MN. (I just now realized this is a journal for seniors. No wonder there were so many ads for cremation and assisted living facilities.) It was pretty interesting and led me to the following sites on Blue Zones and Ikaria. I might move there. I also found this great sun catcher on a cremation site. What a great idea...to be able to hang from the window and reflect light.

Grandpa

2009-07-02T20:12:00.000-07:00

Do not stand at my grave and weep.
I am not there. I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.

When you awaken in the morning's hush,
I am the swift, uplifting rush
Of quiet white doves in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry.
I am not there. I did not die.

- A Hopi Prayer

One thing leads to another...

2009-06-24T22:05:00.000-07:00

Well I stumbled across a great site today. I think this is how it happened. I was thinking about my DAGOBA organic chocolate gift and then I was thinking about my Story People art that I need to get framed. I started thinking about how I better buy Will some Shel Silverstein books before he gets too old. Then I was thinking about the book we read tonight before bed Old Turtle by Douglas Wood. I did a search for the book to see if the author wrote any other books we'd like...and then I found this site with some interesting sounding books and great toys. Now I realize that my blog is really just a bunch of random postings that I often delete after varying timeframes depending on my mood but a common theme seems to be my need to have my children play with wooden toys. (It's less about the wooden toys and more about the lifestyle). Now this site also has wooden toys! Thank goodness for Kira's 1st birthday this month since it gives me a chance to splurge. These are the books that are in my shopping cart at the moment.

Blessings from Many Faiths & Cultures
Raising Children Compassionately
Nurturing the Spirit
What is God
Children Learn What They Live
Parenting From Your Heart

I see that Amazon has some good ones too:

All I See Is Part Of Me
Wild Child

I think I'm saving the wooden toys until Kira is a bit older. We have the Skwish already. I think it's packed away so I need to see what we have before I spend too much.

It's bedtime so we'll save the ordering for tomorrow - if there's time. We have parades on Thursday and Friday and birthday parties on Saturday and Sunday. It should be a fun 4 days!

Kira's 1st pickle

2009-06-23T21:22:00.000-07:00

The Cracker Attacker

2009-06-22T21:40:00.000-07:00

Love this crystal deoderant!

Do not love my paraben filled face lotion...so will use this site to find new paraben-free products.

Last week was my birthday. Jeff and Will made me a cake! Kira attacked it! She's been excitedly hitting faces lately for some reason. She was holding a cracker the other day and then smacked Will in the eye with that hand and the cracker broke into little pieces. I expected him to cry in pain or scold her but instead he just lay there peacefully with his eye closed and said, "cracker attack." So we've been calling Kira the Cracker Attacker every chance we get.

A couple photos from today

2009-06-14T21:39:00.000-07:00

What a difference a year makes!

2009-06-14T21:24:00.000-07:00

July 2008

June 2009

They've gone to new homes!

2009-06-13T10:06:00.000-07:00

Plastic

2009-06-08T20:52:00.000-07:00

So I've been on this alignment kick lately. So now I'm noticing the synchronicity everywhere. I caught a clip on TV of Suze Orman saying we need to align our thoughts and words and feelings and actions in order to have harmony. We should work to make sure what we think and say and feel and do are in balance. I also found this quote on a website, "I aspire to ever higher levels of alignment between my thoughts, words, and deeds, and my values." Of course it all rings true because that is exactly what I'm striving for in my life lately.

This brings me to plastic. I could gag at all this plastic in my house. William is 6 so I've had a lot of this plastic around for SIX years! I'm thankful that we could pull out the carseats and pack-n-play and toys and high chair and saucer and walker and jumper and piano and all that jaz without having to spend a dime this time around but seriously the plastic (I'm trying not to say 'is killing me') is getting hard to take. I just can't wait until I can get rid of this stuff. I can't wait to move it out of my house. I'm so ready for Kira to start walking so half this stuff can go. I'm sure I'll have her at the kitchen table much earlier than William was. It's suffocating. It's everywhere. Everything in my house is fluorescent. She doesn't even like most of it. She'd much prefer to pull books off the bookshelf or tear apart the newspaper or rip a kleenex to shreds. And I believe that most objects have their own sort of energy or vibration. Doesn't an old wooden trunk or well loved piece of furniture just FEEL good?! Wood feels different than plastic. Plastic is so lifeless and our oceans are filled with it. There are a few different Garbage Patches of plastic in the ocean. One is TWICE THE SIZE OF TEXAS! Apparently these tiny plastic pellets of supersaturated poison are mistaken for fish eggs and end up in the fish that we eat. Gag me! So this cycle isn't working for me...buy the plastic that doesn't feel good to have around and then dump it and hope it doesn't kill us all in the end.

So I've decided to try and stop buying so much plastic. I mean maybe I would actually have my elusive ideal weekend morning and wake up to see my child playing with wooden toys if I actually bought her wooden toys. Maybe I need to stop shopping at Target. Then my house will have less stuff and the stuff that it has will be made of something living that will give off it's own lovely vibration and won't end up killing us all in the long run. So let's see...my thoughts (hate the plastic)...words...(hate the plastic)...feelings...(hate the plastic)...and ACTIONS (STOP BUYING THE PLASTIC) will then finally be in alignment. You wouldn't think it would take me 36 years to figure this out.

Maybe if we all just only buy reusable, poison-free products - that is all they'll make. I'm excited to see what non-plastic options I find. There is a Living Plastic Free blog that I'll have to check out. I also did a search on making my own powdered toothpaste.

2tbsp baking soda
1/2 tsp sea salt
1 tsp vodka (only one teaspoon?)
2 drops each: Oregano oil, wintergreen, peppermint

or

wide mouth jar
add one cup baking soda
and one cup salt
swish a few tablespoons of hydrogen peroxide
rinse with water