Raising Kiwi: November 2009

It was "picture day" a few weeks ago at school. Will's pictures were great last year. He wore a long sleeved blue button down shirt and we picked the blue background. They looked beautiful. I'm usually a creature of habit and don't like to mess with something that works for me. I ALMOST picked the blue background again this year. But we'd dressed Will in this cute little zip sweater that had just a touch of orange and green on it. I decided to go with the flow and pick the green background this year. Unfortunately we didn't plan ahead for picture day so underneath his cute little zip sweater he was wearing a bright orange NORTHEAST SOCCER
T-shirt because we didn't have any clean white ones. The orange barely showed behind the zipper and actually looked okay underneath the sweater. I figured the pictures would probably turn out just fine. We sent him to school.

He came home from school and told us about how he had to take off his sweater because, "The lady told all the kids to take off their jackets." The horror. I couldn't bear to think about what those photos would look like with his bright orange T-shirt and bright green background. I knew immediately that we'd be doing retakes.

Then we got the photos and besides the unintentional Halloween theme - they also had the 2009-2010 year written on them. I'd intentionally not checked that box. I didn't want writing on my photos yet home they came with some stamped with the date and some without the date. But his smile was sort of cute. The pictures were sort of endearing in a "this is a really bad photo of me mostly because I'm too young to know that I shouldn't take off my picture day outfit plus I was being such a good listener for the lady who said to take our jackets off."

So then I wasn't sure. Hmmm. Retakes or not? What kind of mother am I? How picky am I going to be about this? Do I really need to make him have retakes? We ordered a LARGE package thinking all the grandparents and relatives could frame their photos (retakes)...we'll have this photo forever with his Kindergarten through 12th grade photos (retakes)...but this one is kind of cute just the way it is (no retakes)...but his hair is so long (retakes)...but he is a NE kid (no retakes)...but the picture is so shocking to the eyes with those bright orange and green colors (retakes)...but look at that gentle smile (no retakes)...

I like to keep all my options open so we got his haircut last night (the night before retakes) so we'd be ready even though we were leaning towards just keeping the bad photos. Will ended up NOT having retakes. He's been home with a cough so didn't go to school. Decision made for us. This means we'll be sharing his photo with everyone and they can frame or not frame as they so choose. I'll still frame it.

I smile every time I see it.

Let's talk about this stuff again. You know it's my favorite topic.

There is this person that I run into all the time. Literally. Repeatedly. Physically. We collide. We crash into one another. This doesn't happen to me with anyone else on the entire planet. It is so annoying and it drives me nuts. The thing is...I believe that when we need to talk to someone or they need to talk to us - we're given opportunities for that conversation to happen. I believe that. So you'd think I'd be thankful. On the one hand - I love that this is the way the world works. On the other hand - it still drives me nuts when it happens.

There was this day that I was completely in the zone and everything was falling into place around me. I was moving slowly and peacefully and getting a billion things done. I was as productive as possible. I needed to give something to someone and literally turned around and this person was standing at my desk. I think there is a reason that happened that way. I think we're all interconnected and that there are no coincidences. Something made that person come over to my desk right then and it was probably the fact that I was thinking about them.

I had another day like that recently. Same thing. I was doing something with someone that impacted this 3rd person and was making a mental note to email this 3rd person and then out of the blue for no reason this 3rd person just stopped by to chat about nothing in particular. So I didn't have to email them and could tell them that thing right then and there. It was so great.

Those are days when I'm just totally in the zone. They happen a lot.

Yet there are days when I am completely not in the zone and everything possible goes wrong. We've all had days like that. Aren't those always the days when we're rushed and stressed and need to get a million things done and yet somehow we get nothing done? We'll say, "of all the days (such-in-such) had to happen today." It's like if we're running late and then we just happen to get stuck waiting for a train and that makes us even more late. I haven't had one of those days for a while.

I think I'm learning that when one of those days starts...I need to simply be okay with the outcome and just let what will be - be. I just need to let what will come - come. I try not to fight it or stress about it or worry about it or prevent it. I just try to go with the flow and be in the moment and KNOW that everything will work out okay - because it always does. Everything always works out okay in the end. This process sort of nips the bad day in the bud and can turn it into a good day. I believe it is our choice to either live "in" or "out" of the zone. We can go with or against the flow of life. Whatever name you want to call it: God - Spirit - Energy - Law of Attraction - Life Force - Tao - Intuition - Inner Voice. I don't care the name. Whatever you want to call it. Something is at work here.

Here's another example:
The other day there was a glass of water on Will's floor. I felt like I should pick it up and bring it to the kitchen. I told myself "no". I didn't want to move it. I told myself it would be fine there. Then I went into another room and there was another cup of water. I again felt urged to grab that one and go back and grab the other. Did I? No. I resisted. I didn't want to. Like a child saying "no" to my parent, I resisted and I told myself again that they'd both be fine where they were for now and that I'd get them later. I was having a conversation with myself about how I wasn't going to do this thing that needed doing and how it would be fine and I'd get to it later.

Okay. No big deal right? So then I end up letting Kira play in Will's room and she ended up spilling the cup of water all over his floor. It spilled all over his little puzzle pieces and caused them to warp and get ruined. I tried to mold them back into shape while they were soggy but that caused them to rip. Now Will can't put together any of those puzzles because Kira spilled the water on them because his Mom refused to listen to her inner voice. Seriously. It's almost comical - but it's not. I KNEW I should have moved that water - it felt like someone was telling me to move those glasses - yet I resisted.

Now that would be living AGAINST the flow. That would be NOT being in the zone. Had I listened - the day would have had a better outcome.

I also find it really interesting that I'm not thankful when these things happen. I was putting the dishes away the other day and I had a moment of intuition where I knew I needed to stop and immediately go do something else. Of course I resisted at first and then finally I said to myself, "okay fine" and went to go do it. I say that all the time to myself. I have these moments of intuition and I always say, "Okay fine" and go do it. I act like a child being forced to do something against my will instead of an adult who is so thankful to be able to pick up on and respond to her intuition.

I'm trying to get to a place where I'm actually THANKFUL for my intuition and actually listen to my inner voice the first time around. I really believe my life would be so smoothe if I was actually going with the flow and living in the zone like that - all day long - every day. That would be great. So that will be my goal. To be thankful for my intuition and to act on it - to trust my instincts and to go with the flow and be in the zone. It requires a lot of flexibility because sometimes I just want to do whatever I want to be doing but I know it's important to slow down and listen and act consciously in every moment.

Coincidentally - After writing that part above yesterday and saving it as a draft I ended up reading this thing on Facebook by this group Romancing Your Soul which was all about - you guessed it - listening to your intuition/inner voice.

So now it's today and I have more interesting little coincidences to add:

Jeff and I recently had a conversation about how this music group should have T-shirts or something made to promote their band.

Then I had someone listen to their music today and this person mentioned a different band. I'd never listened to this other group's music before so I planned on checking them out on You Tube.

Then I went to Subway with Will for dinner because I didn't want to cook and there was a group of maybe 6 boys there. They were all about 16 or 17 years old and one of them was wearing a sweatshirt with the name of this other group's band. So we started talking about it and I asked him if he'd heard about the first group. He smiled and said he had and so I told him about their new album coming out. He looked excited and said he'd check it out.

My point is - I don't really know anything about this other group and then in ONE DAY someone talks to me about them and then later on I notice someone else wearing their shirt - which is also odd because Jeff and I were just talking about the importance of marketing/promotion and having shirts made with your band's name on them.

Seriously. Coincidence? I think not. Maybe I needed to have that conversation with that kid. His eyes sure did sparkle and he got all excited when we started talking about music on this day that he'd just gotten done telling his friends was one of the "worst days of his life." Maybe now he'll have a good night listening to some music.

Lessons learned: go with the flow - be in the moment - listen and act and say YES when your inner voice/gut/instincts/intuition is telling you to do something - there are no coincidences - life is magical - be THANKFUL.

I could go on. I have so many examples but I suppose that's enough for now. My instincts are telling me that this blog post is way too long already.